Busy, Busy, Busy

These days I feel as though we're never at a loss of things to do in the fostering and international adoption processes.  Between the mandatory book readings, physical exams, documentation out my ears, and Hague training, I feel like my head's been swimming these last couple of months.

While I'm tempted to complain, I know all of this is necessary to bring our child(ren) home.  Throughout this process, we've had our eyes opened to the adoption world, especially trans-racial adoption.  Both our foster baby and future adoptive baby will be a trans-racially adopted.  I'd like to think we live in a world that is universally accepting of different cultures and races, but the truth is we just don't.  Our unique family will face some unique challenges that requires our education, attention, and focus.

One wish I have is that we could just move to Ethiopia and raise our son or daughter within their culture.  It hurts to know they will never fully know and appreciate their culture and heritage in the same way they would if they were raised there.  Since that's not really an option for us right now, we're thinking through ways we can bring pieces of their culture home with us and incorporate it in to their lives.  Simple but significant things we are considering are the neighborhood we live, the friends we have, the church we call home, and the events we take part in.  We can't pretend their color of skin isn't an issue, but there has to be a balance in not over emphasizing their differences and not underplaying them either.  It will be fairly obvious to onlookers that our children are not biologically ours, therefore we're practically a walking poster for adoption and subjected to more looks, questions, and intrigue.  

A book I've been reading, In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories, a theme throughout seems to be that black/bi-racial children raised by white parents seem to do best in situations where their parents made efforts to discuss adoption and racial issues openly.  Other books we have had to read which discuss these issues are Inside Transracial Adoption and The Whole Life Adoption Book (a great comprehensive adoption book).

We're fortunate to live in a city and go to a church that cultivates this understanding and seeks to bridge the gap.  We have had some bumps along the way, but we understand that our choice in how we have decided to grow our family puts us in a place where we have to do some educating every now and then.  I also want to put this out there, if you're white and curious when you see transracial families, I encourage you to be respectful to families you encounter.  I know you don't mean any harm, but think before you speak.  I've put some questions below for you to think through when you may encounter one of us in the mall, Target, Chick-Fil-A...

-Would I be offended if someone said this to my child?
-If this child were with an all black family (or fill in any race there) would I approach them with the same thoughts, actions, feelings?
-Remember that children at any age desperately want to fit in and be accepted.  Be overly cautious with their feelings and don't overtly point out differences that separate them from their family.