We begin with the four remaining couples: Kasey and Vienna, Kirk and Ella, Michael and Holly, Michelle and Graham sitting around after the last rose ceremony where Blake and Erica made their exit. Holly hopes Michael is happy and can trust her now.
Harrison strolls in to congratulate them and tell them that their final challenge won't be taking place in the house, they're headed to Vegas!
Ella goes wild and dances a jig, Michelle is equally excited.
They get to the City of Lights and walk in to a large theater with some smoke rippling out. All of this sudden, the stage seems to come apart and a huge hundred foot wall emerges in to the air. Holly lets out a shrill scream even though she is at least 200' away from the stage...Michelle is nervous because she doesn't know what to expect.
Chris Harrison emerges with style out of the fog in a tuxedo minus the jacket.
He tells them they must learn a cirque de soleil routine in 24 hours and perform it for judges who will pick the couple that does the best.
Panning back to the remaining couples, Ella's eyes are welling up and it looks like she is crying...Michelle and Graham are slightly worried.
They have gotta learn some crazy moves...and choreograph a 10 second piece of their own.
The actual dancers pair up with the couples to try and help them learn the routines and help guidance on the style points.
We get to Kasey and Vienna and it's already disaster central.
Kasey: let's make a heart with our bodies
Vienna: I don't know what you're talking about. You're not making any sense....At least Vienna realizes the stupidity
After a while it's time for the couples to practice and get comfortable scaling the wall in the harnesses.
Now Michelle's not nervous and Grimm is pissing down his leg, or so he says...
Ella: childbirth was easier than this
Kirk: you just gotta do it because it's kind of important
Poor Kirk, he's struggling with the constructive criticism
Michael and Holly try to put aside their differences to win the challenge...not working because Michael is still sulking and Holly is helpless.
All the couples are practicing late in to the night except for one: Kasey and Vienna who are sleeping, duh.
Final Challenge
Harrison glams it up with a glitter tie of a snakeskin variety...
The couples come out in their bedazzled unitards. Chris Harrison announces who the judges will be: Trista, Jason, Ali.
Ali has some sort of unknown leg injury and gets carried in by her knight in shining armor, Roberto? For real, it was cheesy.
Michelle and Grimm have the chemistry down apparently. They begin with a kiss. To say their routine was a hot mess would be an understatement. Pretty sure your choreographed hand jive moves aren't visible to the crowd...
Ella's booty is loud and proud in her gold unitard. Her and Kirk's routine was a disaster. Kirk was barking orders the whole time, Ella was about three 8-counts behind...even their kiss was a bark order.
And go. And go. And kiss. And go...Terrible
Kasey thinks he will win because he is a survivor and a dreamer. When will he get a clue?!
However, Vienna is calling all the shots in this routine.
Ella: "Watching Kasey and Vienna is like pro level." Really?? When will
she get a clue?
Last but not least, Holly and Michael. They are in perfect sync. And then Michael does some flips and stuff and at the very end they do a stunt with Holly hoisted over his head, a hushed "Woah" goes over the crowd and in my living room. The judges were equally impressed.
In true form, Jason asks the following question of Holly and Mike:
Jason: "Woah, are you guys a couple right now?" Really? How can this not be scripted?
Trista says Kasey and Vienna had passion. Not sure how they came up with that one.
Ella and Kirk-lacked direction
Michelle and Grimm-handshake was a long shot...
The judges declare Michael and Holly the winners. Michael takes off his vest when he goes to his camera time and it looks like he had a love affair with the bedazzler...
Back to the remaining couples, Michelle picks her lips in nervousness. She hopes to make it to the finals and win so she can donate the money for colon cancer research.
Kasey and Vienna are spared next. Kirk and Ella are sent home. Ella feels like a let down because she was so scared during the competition.
Ella: "This was crucial." She couldn't get over the fear of falling and leaving Ethan with no mommy. However, she has no problem subjecting herself to unnecessary plastic surgeries she might not wake up from...
Back at the BP, Michael and Holly come together to strategize to see what couple they want to take to the finals with them. They decide to talk to Kasey and Vienna first.
Vienna: "I know Kasey can be intense at times, so I told him to tone it down a notch to not make Holly uncomfortable"
In true form, that totally backfires and the second Michael and Holly sit down, he goes in for the kill.
Kasey: I'm gonna be straight with you, we earned a spot in the final four. You've gone out of your way to try and win the game...and that's okay, so have I. That's why we deserve to be there."
Michael acknowledges that they've been the leaders in the game.
Vienna: "We've been doing all the dirty work, Graham and Michelle have been riding our coattails. They've done nothing."
Michael and Holly leave heavy hearted with this to consider.
Then Vienna goes off on Kasey about his big mouth and not heeding her advise about treating Michael and Holly with kit gloves since they can be easily intimidated.
Kasey ran off to drink by himself in the street. Is this a joke? He's a giant child. He's scratching the ground with rocks when Vienna comes and finds him. She tries to defend her comments, but seems to dig an even bigger hole.
Kasey: "You're completely negative. You have nothing positive to say." Then Kasey tells her to go clean up his mess with Mike and Holly...she refuses
Michael decides to take the honesty route and tells Michelle and Graham where they're heads at. They think they can definitely win against Kasey and Vienna, but don't feel they would win if they were to go up against Michelle and Graham. Graham says okay, whatever and after they leave...Grimm gets straight ghetto and says its messed up that he would pick money over a friend. He gets drunk and beligerent and is yelling to the air and to Michelle how messed up the whole situation is since he's certain they're going home now.
Michelle is sporting the mom jumper and saggy mom butt, and naturally takes the nurturing route trying to calm down Grimm.
The Rose Ceremony
What is Holly wearing?? Barely anything is covered in her navy romper. So tacky...
Kasey is ready for it. He's played so smart and hard...please...
Holly says it comes down to selfishness vs. selflessness. Selfishness would be to pick Kasey and Vienna since they think they would get chosen over them. Selflessness would be to pick Graham and Michelle and risk losing. Wow, I'm sure thats comforting to Kasey...
They choose Grimm and Michelle. Michelle loses it and sags to the ground...
Grimm is that a sweatshirt suit jacket? So confused...
Kasey and Vienna are outskies. Peace. He carries her to the car in his arms. She seems to be smiling and laughing, then loses her mind the second she hits the limo seat and sobs for about 5 minutes. She should get a Daytime Emmy for that performance. For real.
Michael says he and Graham are the definition of brotherhood. How sweet. They sooo have a bro-mance.
Kasey and Vienna vent in the limo about how it so messed up that they got sent home and they totally got played. Well, duh. That's what happens when you don't win any challenges.
Reunion Time
Blake looks like a total tool. A v-neck tee, a v-neck cardigan, and suit jacket? Really?
Harrison starts off with Ames and Jackie. Uncomfs. Harrison says it was the "most romantic exit ever" and wonders if they're still together. Ames says they are not and is crying talking about Jackie. Her heart was broken.
Ames: "I thought she was the one. We spent a lot of time together, but we're two different people." This is so awkward.
Jackie: "When I say I was so sad, that was an understatement. I didn't get out of bed for a week"...wow keep that to yourself.
Erica looks loads better, but she's still toting around that ridiculous gavel.
Harrison: "Gia. Only returning contestant. You'd think you have it figured out this time around." Harrison-1, Gia-0
Gia: "Kasey was probably the smartest person in this game. The power couples couldn't be broken"
Harrison: "Actually not. You guys had plenty of chances to get rid of them, you just didn't." Harrison-1, BP contestants-0
Justin Rego. Why are you even here? What is up with your hair? Why is your shirt unbuttoned so low?
Harrison: "Jake you've been quiet. What did you think of this season?" And now we're treated to the dysfunctional triangle that is Jake, Kasey, and Vienna.
Jake: "I came on to mend things with Vienna. There was an olive branch extended..."
Who are these people? And why do they say things like "extending an olive branch"??
Harrison turns to Vienna to see what her interpretation of the situation is.
Vienna: "I want the past to be the past. There's closure"
Harrison: "There didn't seem to be any closure. Why weren't you nicer to him?" Harrison-1, Vienna-0. Does she forget that this whole thing was taped for crying out loud?!
Vienna looks weird. Is she going for Old Hollywood or something? Hate to break it to you, but someone should tell her that you can't shine s--t (you know what).
Harrison back to Vienna: "You poisoned the pool." Harrison-2, Vienna-0
Jake in the hot seat. Rehashing his time on the BP, yowza...
Vienna, how can you continue to be in denial about how crazy and terrible you are??
Harrison to Vienna: "What are your thoughts?"
Vienna: "The cameras don't show everything. We didn't fight the whole time...remember we played charades and you fell off the chair (she bends over and cracks herself up) everyone else is expressionless and quiet. No laughs. Crickets...seriously one of the most awkward moments of the night...
Gia: "I've never seen people be so mean"
Harrison: "It was about 98% hostile towards Jake"
Vienna says something to the effect of Jake having a whole year to contact her and she didn't know why he waited until they were both on the show. Jake says he tried numerous times to contact her.
Vienna: "I never got any messages. I would take a lie detector test." someone please go find a lie detector test. Talk about quality TV.
Harrison to Jake: "You giving her the rose was the dumbest decision ever. That was beyond game play." Harrison-1,000 Jake-0
Is Kasey about to bomb the building? He has the fiercest look on his face right now.
Harrison asks Kasey for his thoughts on how he treated Jake. Kasey formally apologizes to Jake. He says there are two sides to every story. Then they hug it out...Vienna looked like her head might explode.
Kasey in the hot seat.
Harrison: "You were the kingpin, you were the puppet master." What happened? We take a trip down memory lane...
Ugh, the throbbing of the tattoo was even more ridiculous the second time around.
Kirk is hilarious. Everytime one of his one-liners comes up he scratches his head and looks away...
Erica's trailer park comment made the cut. I'm sure that's not awkward when you're two seats down from them.
Harrison: "I see emotion in your eyes, what's that about?"
Kasey: "It's a tough pill to swallow. I'm not that person. And Rego, I have a speech impediment so I might sound like Kermit the frog." OMG....
Harrison: "What's your relationship like now?" Talking about him and Vienna. Apparently they live together. Yikes.
Kasey: "Seeing it on there, it's not a healthy relationship." And it doesn't seem like anything has changed?
Erica chimes in: "well actually they came and stayed with me for a week and didn't fight. I give them my blessing"
William speaks up and tells Kasey that if they were friends, he would tell him to move on and out of the unhealthy relationship.
Kasey: "Vienna is Vienna. I don't know how to explain it." I can think of a couple different words to explain it...
Blake on the hot seat. Harrison calls him 'Blake the Snake.'
Blake: "I seem to be at the center of every storm cloud" again with the metaphors...
Blake is such a boy bander. Seriously, every outfit he wears I think Brian from Backstreet Boys wore it in 1995...
Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. Harrison brings up that drama.
Harrison: "Were you using her or was it genuine?"
Blake: "I wasn't using her. This whole show is a weird crazy science experiment." What??
Harrison: "You related yourself to a prostitute. How was that misconstrued?" Zing. Harrison-1, Blake-a big fat 0
Harrison turns to Melissa to get her insight.
Melissa felt like he liked her because he said he didn't want any romantic connections on camera, and then he kissed her and she thought she was special and he was going out of his way to show her affection. She's sooo desperate.
Blake: "She took classified files and shared them with the enemy." Omg, seriously, why is he permitted to speak??
Harrison to Melissa: "Was it jealousy or strategy"
Melissa: "I did go crazy yes, but that was akin to the things blake did to me." Yep, you are in no way responsible for your reactions...Denial.
Harrison turns the conversation to him and Holly. Blake's madly in love with Holly. "She has a firm grip on my heart."
Blake: "this is the most serious relationship I've ever been involved in." Hah, too bad it's not Holly's first rodeo...
Harrison: "What was it like being on the show and her ex-fiance is there, too?"
Blake: "It was really hard. I felt like I had to steal clandestine glances" Is.he.for.real.?
Holly is apparently moving to SC to live with Blake...oh, and there's other big news. Cue the video.
Blake is wearing the most absurd old man blazer. I can't tell anything that's going on. Are they on a picnic? In the middle of a forest? Is this staged?? Then he proposes. Neil Lane ring. Of course. Her squeaky whiney voice is so annoying...this had to have been staged. Unbelievable...that was seriously the most nauseating video sequence I've ever seen..
The cameraman catches Jackie's reaction. She's visibly pissed. I'm thinking she thought she would have been the one to be proposed to...
Finally the remaining two "couples" are invited to join. This is so awkward. Michael doesn't know yet.
To make things more awkward, Harrison forces Holly to share the news. She's such a coward.
Michael: "um I'm sorry this is super awkward. Can I get a water or a maybe a Commercial break?" A little advanced notice would have been nice. Maybe like a letter or an email prior?" I LOVE him..
Blake: "yeah I was going to call you..." "I didn't want to rub it in anyone's face..." Right...
Michelle and Grimm. Are they dating? Michelle's dad just died. Grimm has been there for her the whole time.
Graham: "I just like being there for her and I do like to kiss her from time to time" I can't figure it out. Are they in a relationship or not?!
The other contestants open it up for questioning the remaining couples before they vote.
Blake asks some question. Graham straight up tells him that he doesn't care for him and he knows where his vote is going. Zing!
Kasey: "Why do you think you deserve it?"
Michael blatantly says I'm not going to answer that, hah. Holly and Michelle don't feel deserving at all they feel blessed to even be there.
The voting begins. They get around to Blake's vote. He obviously votes for Holly and Michael. Michael gay claps and says 'love ya Blake.' Hilarious.
Holly and Mike win the cast votes by a long shot. Keep or Share time. They go off to deliberate, and I could care less so I FF to the decision.
Harrison to Michael: "Can you trust holly?"
Michael: "Yeah that's a good question, weddings are expensive last I checked." Ouch. Michael-10,000, Holly-0
Michael makes it seem like he won't share and goes off on tangents, but in the end he chose to share.
Now we're treated to the introduction of the new Bachelor this next season. If only it could be Michael...Instead they go with Ashley's leftovers Ben.
He's been working out apparently. I noticed he had some bicep action as he was out inspecting the grapes in the field with a little David Gray depressing music to accompany him. Most Bachelor showcases feature some shirtless scenes walking on the beach or something. Instead we get Ben eating an apple on a hilltop and a showcase of Eddie Bauer's collection for 2011, and about 20 different ways to sport loafers with shorts or pants. Disappointment ABC.
He comes out to join Harrison and talks about how he's in a good place yada yada after his experience of being dumped on national television. Here's hoping he shaves and stops parting his hair down the middle for this next season. Not likely. Maybe at least he won't try any more half-hearted attempts to straighten his hair...fingers crossed. It's going to be a rough season...
