Bachelor Recap: Hometown Dates

Well, now that the craziness of Michelle has left the show, we're down to the normal and semi-normal girls left.  We see that Brad will be taking a trip to Seattle, Madawaska, Chico, and Charlotte to visit the girls on their hometown dates.

But first we are treated to Brad's innermost thoughts while he stands on a balcony of a hotel in NY wearing a kangol hat.  I guess it's a slight grade above the chacos and the army leotard from the Elvis show. 

Brad lets us know he's super excited about seeing Chantal, but he also has some concerns because dating her is like being on an emotional rollercoaster.  I would verge to say it's more like being on a crazy train, but whatev.  He wants to see a 'less emotional' side of Chantal this week.  So basically he's hoping she's a different person...

He loves being around Ashley because she's so bubbly and fun, but they also have to reassure each other of their feelings every time they're together and he's ready to move past that.  SO ARE WE Brad, because it's like nails on a chalk board.

He and Shawntel's connection is "building" because she's so unassuming and they have an unspoken connection.  Except for that time she told him she was falling in love with him. 

Emily is his clear favorite, but she's holding on to her great love of her past.  He wants a chance with her, and by golly he's going to try his hardest to break thru (yikes...)  Not to mention she has a 5 year old...

Sounds like a recipe for relationship success if you ask me.

Seattle, WA

Chantal is soo excited to see Brad again and tells us she feels just as crazy as she did in Anguilla.  I'm sure Brad would be happy to know that.  Brad arrives, and they begin to discuss their plans while he's in her hometown.  First they're going to her house (aka the Animal Farm) and then to her parent's who live just 4 streets away and she sees all the time.  Brad takes this opportunity to lay down the law and say that he will. be. in. Austin.  Chantal thinks this is wonderful, but we're not so sure.

They arrive at her place and we are immediately greeted by Boca (yes, like the fake vegetarian hamburgers).  However, I am a big pommer fan so I can't hate on the dog, just on the awful grooming and t-shirt it was wearing.  Next we meet Jinxy and somewhere there's a Bailey.  Brad seems slightly overwhelmed, especially by the lack of enthusiasm of Jinxy and wanting to be Boca's BFF.  Brad takes a quick inventory and wants to know who all's going to make the move to ATX, and Chantal gets that crazy looks in her eye and motions to all four of them.  Brad can't hide his enthusiasm at this point.  I LOL'ed.

Next they pull up for dinner and Chantal's parent's mansion.  Brad is a little timid to walk in the door, but is quickly put at ease when he meets Billie Joe, who has an affinity for purple eyeshadow and brightly colored shirts, and plastic surgery, and then her frat-daddy husband.  Brad thanks the ABC wardrobe stylist for making sure they had matching outfits.

Things are going pretty well, except we start to see the nervous sides of Brad take over in the form of oversharing and word vomit.  He makes a crack about "having done this before" and then tries to overcompensate by saying how great Chantal is.  Billie Joe is eating this with a spoon, and I'm wondering what mother in her right mind would think this is a good situation for her emotionally frazzled, divorced daughter.

Brad and Chan's dad go outside for man time and we see the self-made man statue and bond over their similar rags to riches story.  Conveniently, they both have daddy issues and talk about how this makes them better people.  Brad asks if he thinks Chantal is ready to settle down.  Dad tries to play down her desperation a little, but still manages an "uh, yeah, she's been ready for a long time."  Dad then cuts to the chase in the wine cellar in giving his consent to marry Chantal.  I think this family is ready to see her married and out of their hair...

Meanwhile, Chantal is crying to her mom about her feelings, per usual.  I don't think it's possible for her to not cry and wipe her eyes incessantly in any given episode.

Madawaska, ME

We next come to the furthest point in North America without being in Canada or Newfoundland and find out this is Ashley's stomping grounds.  Ashley, although I believe she's in her 30s, manages to pull off a 21-year-old like a champ.  Especially when she says things like: "Isn't that cute, I used to work in a bar."  No, it's not that cute.

We then learn of the Acadian/French culture of Madawaska, and Brad is baffled by this.  Ashley tells him about her favorite dish, that she naively thought all Americans ate, which is french fries with gravy and cheese.  Let me just take the time to tell you have freakin' nasty that not only sounds, but looked.... The waitress comes by to take the order, in French or whatever hodge podge of French is spoken there, and Brad responds with a "si".  Bless his heart.  In his defense, here in Texas the only other language ever spoken is Spanish...

Brad tells us that he and Ashley are in a good place, but they need to be in a great place.  And once again we are entertained by Ashley's grand hand gestures and incessant talking about how she feels and her not being able to hide it.

Next, they start frolicking around and taking gosh-awful pictures of each other.  It reminds me of the terrible photo-ops on the Ferry with Gia and Jake.  Foreshadowing to a similar outcome?  Let's hope so...Imagine the most annoying voice possible squealing, we're in Maiiiinnnneee.

On to Ashley's home where there's lots of screaming, o.m.g.s and sitting in laps...kind of awkward in my opinion.  We see that the memo for this evening was every bad shade of plaid...Brad once again breathes a sigh of relief that he fits right in.  Ashley's sister gives us a toast and thanks Brad for picking her.  Ash's dad takes him to the claustrophobic garage to have some one-on-one time about Ashley's ambition and if he's supportive.  Once again we hear about Ash's OCD about her career and ambition and Brad is wondering if that will coincide with his lifestyle.  I found it odd that Brad had to ask her Dad if Ash wants kids.  Why wouldn't they have already talked about this??  Then he says, I don't know?

Then on to Ashley's sister.  She seems to have the same drive for the body ink that Ashley does for success in life.  She assures Brad that Ashley is in fact ready to settle down and Brad breathes a sigh of relief.

Then the brosef comes in and asks if he proposed would she say yes?  Ash thinks a minute and says, probably not if he were to ask right now since I need to get to know more about him.  PS, you don't have all the time in the world...and her brother is like, thank God!

Later, Mom asks if Brad is going to spend the night.  Brad gets uncomf.  I get uncomf and wonder what mom says this stuff?

Chino, CA

Brad is cruising around Chino (probably in a Ford Explorer, is ABC taking budget cuts?!) and finally gets to the mausoleum that is Shawntel's employment.  Brad says their relationship is on a whole new level, cue the creepy organ music.

Shawntel is super serious about this, she straight up says "Death is a big part of my life and he's going to have to be okay with that".  Brad arrives and remarks how pretty it is here.  Shawntel (thinking he's talking about the mausoleum) is like, oh wait till we get outside it's so much prettier out there.  Brad does an awkward throat clearing, and is like no I was definitely talking about Chico not this place.  That just happened.

On to the tour of fun, our tour guide asks, if you die, do you want to be cremated?  Brad gets a blank face and feels like he's about to suffocate and says honestly I've never thought about it.

Side note: you're pushing 40...you've never thought about your death and preparations for it??

Brad in his confession time is like, I'm thinking that if Shawntel and I get married, these are going to be our conversations.  They're going to be centered around death.  Cue the camera shot of him looking solemnly at the incinerator.  This is some good tv right here ya'll.

Next, the real fun part of the tour: the prep room.  Shawntel says this is her favorite place and the best part of her job, embalming.  They talk about instruments, Brad lays down on the cold, metal table imagining all of the dead people who have been on it before.  I'm gagging listening to the descriptions of the process, and she clearly looooves it.  They continue the tour and Shawntel lets Brad know she can totally bring her talents to the ATX to embalm the dead of Austin.  Just what every man wants to hear.

Brad tell us he doesn't handle death well.  Shawntel endears us with the fun parts of her job.  And yes, she does use the word fun.  I'm wondering if Brad has heard of heaven.  You would think so given the ginormous tattoo of the cross on his back.  He says he has difficulty saying goodbye to people.

On to Shawn's house.  Shawn's dad tries to tell Brad that in the funeral biz, it's not all doom and gloom.  He asks what they did that day, and Shawntel fills him in.  His response: no rose for you.  He's on to something there.

Cue awkward dinner conversation about Shawn supposedly inheriting the family biz and Shawn totally wanting to ditch her responsibilities and move to Austin.  Brad is sweating in his collared shirt sweater combo.  Obviously the matching outfits are about all Brad and her dad have in common.

Now on to the emergency family meeting with Shawn and Daddy.  They hash it out and regroup.  We also get to see the lovely cartoon drawing of the fam mounted in the parent's room.  Lovely.  Somehow at the end of it, he gives Brad his blessing. 

Wow.  That was intense.  Does anyone else think Shawntel talks like/kind of resembles Juliette Lewis?  All I can think about, since I've made the connection is her character in What's Eating Gilbert Grape...

Charlotte, NC

First we see the reunion of mother and daughter.  Is this really the first time they're seeing each other??  So like ABC, to keep mom and child apart for ratings purposes.  We see their loving embrace, and then see that Ricky-Tick still sucks the good ole thumb.  Isn't 5 a little old for that?

Emily preps Ricky by telling her she has made a new friend, just like she does at school, and she wants her to meet him.  We see Brad making his way over with a wrapped gift for "Little Ricky".  Am I the only one that found that annoying that he calls her little Ricky?

At first, Ricky is not having it.  At. All.  She's a shy little one and would rather not talk to or look at Brad.  Finally, they get the kite opened and she begins to warm slightly.  They have a nice little outing at the park, and then make their way back to Emily's place.  Ricky runs upstairs to show Brad her room and playroom, and things really take off when they play board games together.  Later, they both put Ricky to bed and our hearts melt.

Brad and Em make their way downstairs and Brad gets stone cold awkward.  Emily is hoping for a kiss, or some affection, and Brad is frozen in fear of the 5 year old sleeping upstairs.  Emily asks what's wrong and he gives some bogus answer about respecting her and Ricky by not showing affection.  Emily is annoyed and disappointed.  She points out the obvious that if this works out, there's ALWAYS going to be a 5 year old sleeping upstairs.  Brad gets even more awkward.  Finally, they kiss.  I mean, come on Brad she's single mom with needs, grow a pair.

Rose Ceremony

Chris Harrison makes his first appearance to discuss the home town dates and be Brad's fill-in therapist.  We find out he liked Ashley's house the best.  (what?!)  Harrison states the obvious and says she the only one who hasn't verbally said she's falling for you and the others have.  Brad shoots back with: I'm not concerned with how they feel, I'm basing my decisions on how I feel"  Zing.  Finally Brad found his cajones. 

We finally see the ladies.  Em looks straight up hot.  Ash is wearing some weird sparkly white dress, per her usual, and Shawntel looks like she had a rough go with her bedazzler and her dress.  Chantel looks like she's trying to find her inner Audrey Hepburn with the bun and dress and it was not a success.  I think she consistently has the poorest outfit choices for the rose ceremonies, second only to Britt and see through slippers.

Ashley gets the first rose.  Then Emily.  Now it's down Shawn and Chan.  Chan gets the rose!

Shawntel looks about as devastated as you can be when you look like Juliette Lewis, and tells us Brad was the perfect guy that treated her perfectly.  I call BS.  He's a commitment phobe that can't even come to terms with one of the most basic facts about life: death.  I think she got woo'ed by the fancy dates.  Happens to the best of 'em.

Ashley is already overanalyzing and thinking about the next elimination ceremony (as she makes the chopping motion with her hands) and looks like she's about to spiral out of control.

We'll pick this up next week in South Africa. 

Confession

I have a confession to make, I did not watch the Bachelor last night...(gasp!)

Instead, I went to NXNW to play some trivia with some friends, which we totally dominated!  Go team 'All for One'. 

Anywho, I'm sorry dear friends that I am unable to grace you with my recap of the show we love to hate this morning/afternoon.

No worries, I'll have it for you Wednesday morning.  Promise.

Eat Your Fruits and Veggies!!

*First of all, shout out to my 2 new Followers!  I'm loving having 7 followers, yippee!

As most of you know, my husband is in school getting his PhD in Microbiology/Molecular Genetics.  Yes, it's as complicated as it sounds ;)

He does a lot of research, reading, experiments that are related/have implications for cancer research, and right now I'm even being very careful how I word things because he's very particular in how he describes his research, etc.  Anyway, based on new reports (if you'd like references, I'll ask Matt to provide) that in their lifetime 50% of the American population will likely be diagnosed with cancer at some point in their lifetime.  More specifically, the odds from birth to death for men is 1 in 2 and 1 in 3 for females.

Here are some proven things to up your chances:
-Smoking.  This one is the biggie.  This increases your risk by 50%
-Obesity: 30%
-Aging.  Can't avoid this one, but your risks significantly increase over the age of 55

Needless to say, I hear about this stuff A LOT and the importance of diet and exercise and taking vitamins.  He really gets going when he asks when I last took a multivitamin and the answer is not today!!  Ooops.

He is also on me about a regular dose of fruit and vegetables.  5 servings of each.  I maybe get 5 servings of fruit in a week, not in a day...and vegetables, I like them fried, haha.  We have gotten back in to steaming broccoli, carrots occasionally, but we definitely eat our share of sweet potato fries.  They're just sooo good.

One of my favorite blogs I follow is Pioneer Woman.  I was talking about her blog a week or so ago at my book club HH, and another girl and I gushed for about 5 minutes about how much we love her and think we'd be best friends with her if we ever met.  Haha.  Getting to the point, she posted a "recipe" for fruit smoothies in the past week, and I was sold.  I made a modified version this morning and it was AH-mazing. 

Here's the link for her smoothies.  She recommended adding veggies to hers as an option.  I wasn't so brave this morning, but I may venture out as I continue to make these.

Here's What I Put In Mine (WISH I had taken a picture...next time)
-About 1/3 of the bag of HEB frozen berries (medley of blueberries, strawberries, raspberries and blackberries, YUM)
-Three heaping scoops of Light and Fit vanilla flavored yogurt (rougly 2/3 cup)
-Dash of OJ
-Sprinkled about 1/2 of a package of Carnation Instant Breakfast (vanilla flavored)
-!/2 of a banana
-A few ice cubes (The fruit was frozen so it didn't need much ice)

The Result: DUH-licious.  I got my serving of fruit for the day, the Carnantion instant breakfast adds essential vitamins and mineraks, and it was all soo good.  Maybe I'll add a little extra OJ or water next time, it was real thick so I ate it with a spoon until it melted some.  There was a hint of vanilla flavor in there which was nice.

Bachelor Recap: Longest 2 hours of my life...

So, I took lots of notes on my iPhone last night while watching the show.  Probably because I was drinking wine while watching and everything seemed worthy of being written down...  Therefore, I think I will mirror the Grammy's format and just copy these shorthand notes instead of making it in to a narrative.

We open to the ladies on a speed boat navigating the island of Anguilla.

Britt-SANDWICHES.  Is she really a food writer?

I'm loving the beachy linen look Harr.

Emily gets the date card, she's going to a desert island

What's with the girls and the mix and match bathing suits?

Brad comes to pick up Emily.  Seriously...another helicopter?  Where's your originality Brad?

"I'm hoping our relationship takes off to places it's never been before"-Brad.  I'm pretty sure that's a given with every date you have with these women...Capt. Obvious

Boring date so far.

They're both intimidated by each other, stars and moon are aligning...is she an astrologist?  Seriously, who says that?

Back at the house, another date card arrives.  Britt's going to start packing if it's not her.  Chill, there's still one more one-on-one after this...

Shawntel gets another date.

Back to Boring-ville, Brad wants to meet Ricky.  Emily gives several deep sighs...what does that mean??

Finally.  Emily: "Why would you propose to someone if they won't let them meet your kid?"  THANK YOU.  Emily: "I'm scared, this is getting real."  Well, duh.  You signed up for this craziness....

Brad's breaking all the rules.  "I'm giving you a rose.  I don't care about the rules, I care about Emily."  Wow Brad, you are so hard core.  I'm thinking this was totally scripted.

On to Shawntel's date.  "we're at this farmer's market, and all of this sudden I'm thinking, we're on my perfect date!"  Really?  How low are your expectations?!  And, I'm not digging her outfit choice.  Black bra, white tank.  Not it.

Brad: "Shawntel and I have had a very slow and steady relationship."  Really?  Pretty sure all you guys do is make out.

Ohhh Auntie B.

Me: For a funeral director, Shawntel sure seems to like talking to people, and baby goats.

Later at dinner.  Brad's talking about his daddy issues.  "I don't walk around as some wounded soul."  Me: Are you sure about that??  What have you been doing for the past 38 years then, and WHY do you need so much therapy then.  Get a grip Brad.

Shawntel and Brad:  It's raining.  OMG.  This is so cool.  Let's makeout.

And now, Banky Banks is gracing us with his star performance.  You guys, he's like the best singer in Anguilla.  Me: I'm thinking that's not hard...Okay, maybe like the whole Caribbean.-Thanks for clearing that up Brad.

Shawntel: "I'm falling in love with someone that treats me so right."  --As opposed to so wrong?  I'm pretty sure that's a necessary ingredient for falling in love ammiright?

Back at the house, Britt finally gets to shine.  I won't even comment on Michelle's worthless two cents at this moment.

Waste of a yacht for Britt?  Maybe so...

She's seriously sooo skinny.  Brad makes them swim to the yacht.  How does she muster up enough energy?  Cruel ABC.

Michelle: "Not only do I not see them getting married, I don't even see them friending each other on Facebook."  This was actually worthy of repeating.  Baha, aren't you a little old for Facebook Michelle?  Seriously, you're a mom in your 30s and you act and talk like a college freshman.

I think Britt's plaid swimsuit may be from the Old Navy catalogue circa 1996.  P.S. Did anyone else notice the red spot on her neck?!

Britt: "I'm terrified as usual, that's my normal go-to feeling."  Me too?  This is weird.

Brad: "I hope Britt keeps making that leap in this journey."  Cheese Ball.

Back at the house, the date card arrives.  Michelle (to Chantal and Ashley's face): "I really don't want to go on a date with you guys."  Hilarious.  She really has no shame.

Back to Boring-ville round 2, Britt and Brad might as well be making sand castles.  There's about a 0% chance this is going to work out well for her.

Brad finally puts us out of our misery and asks to go back to the yacht.  Cue an awkward dinner and Britt in a coral-colored Teddy.  Brad, I'm just not feeling it.  Britt, but maybe you could in time?  Brad, yeah that's a no.  Britt gets a water taxi back to the mainland.  Looks like it happened so fast she forgot to grab her shoes...she walks back to the house in her nighty like she just emerged from the sea as Ariel right after she loses the fins.

Ashley rushes to meet her at the door to add insult to injury.  Britt sheds about 3 solid tears and says it's the most she's cried in years.  I'm wondering how that's possible, but she is rather robotic and does not seem to need food to function, so maybe it is possible?

Group date starts promptly at 2:07 am.  Thanks for that ABC.  Brad comes to "rise and shine" the girls.  He tells them he's really upset about sending Britt home.  Me: Really, you look fine to me?

Brad lets us know that MILLIONS of girls would dream of this date.  Me: FALSE.  I cannot think of anyone who would dream of taking pictures in their swimsuit for Sports Illustrated.

Michelle's like, heck yeah, about time I get a date doing something I'm good at.

Chantal wishes she could throw up about 2 days worth of food.

Ashley's worried because she's flat as a pancake...

Ashley goes first and she's jumping around the beach.  Finally, cue the awkward camera operator who probably got confused that this was not Girl's Gone Wild, and asks Ashley if she wants to take her top off.  Ashley's like whatever, I'll use these conch shells.

Chantal is next.  Maybe I'm wrong, but has she ever heard of sucking in??  She gets asked the same question.  Not to be outdone by Ashley, she takes it up a notch and rolls around in the sand topless.  Awkward camera person's, like "so hot" I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Brad notices things are getting awkward.  Michelle tells us she's done this modeling thing a time or two and is not so easily persuaded in to things like taking her top off.  Instead, she bullies Brad into submission and decides to straddle him and rape his face for the photos.

Brad (in hindsight): I realize things might have gotten a little out of hand with Michelle and the other girls are probably upset right now.  Me: Ya think?  How can you be that dense??

Brad: "Michelle is aggressive and intense and sometimes I like that."  -Yikes.

Ashley: After downing gulps of margarita.  I feel like you don't like me as much anymore.  I'm totally Skipper the kid sister, and Michelle is totally Barbie and you seem to like that.

Brad: "I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent guy."  -Yeah you'd like to think...

Brad (in reference to Michelle):  "I think all of our conversations are really deep." -Seriously?  She doesn't let you speak half the time

Michelle: "I'm the first person to say when I'm wrong"

Brad: "Say you're wrong"

Michelle: "no no no"

ME: That really just happened.  Michelle talks a lot for saying NOTHING at all.

Later.  Brad's trying to do some damage control.

Brad: "I'm showing respect in a very strange way..." -YEAH, I'LL SAY!!

Brad: "I'm on a date from hell"

Brad pulls drunk Ashley aside for some one-on-one time again.  I think she says don't send me home like 8 times, and is basically dragging at his ankles like a lost puppy. 

Brad finds this endearing and heads off in search of the rose, only to have some AWKWARD stares by Chantal and Michelle.  Ashley starts running towards him saying, oh baby, and I once again threw up in my mouth a little when he gives her the rose.

Shortly after, Chantal loses.her.marbles.  Chantal has a meltdown.  Brad tries to calm her down unsuccessfully.  It's give her the rose or nothing from what I can tell.  Cut to commercial.  I was reaaalllly hoping there would be the shameless plug from ABC asking us to go online if we'd like to nominate or be the next Bachelor or Bachelorette.  Who wouldn't after watching that train wreck?!

Cue the rose ceremony.  Apparently it's a barefoot ceremony since none of the girls are wearing shoes...Brad and Harr have a quick sit-down where Brad says he's made up his mind and no cocktail is going to change it.  We all know that Brad is a scared little boy and the only way he can make a decision is by NOT being manipulated by Michelle.

Ashley has the safe rose.  Emily is given the next.  Then Shawntel.  Then, dramatic music.  Is it Chantal or Michelle?!  Chantal is given the rose and Michelle is boiling.  Remember earlier when she said if she got sent home she'd be "f-in pissed."  Yeah, me too.

I was hoping for a more dramatic exit.  Instead, Michelle seemed to float off in to space.  I was hoping for some insight in the "diary of the departed" but she went mute at some point and just decided to take a nap in the backseat.  It was weird, but I'm so glad she's gone...

At that, my friends, was one exhausting episode.  Can we skip to the finale?  I can't stomach much more...

My Thoughts on the Grammy's...

Unlike some, I chose not to update my facebook status every 5 minutes with my current thoughts on the Grammy's.  One reason is that it would have dominated your newsfeed, and two because I'm hoping you're reading this right now and I need approval so I want people to look at my blog. 

To keep this from getting too wordy, I will let you read these as if they were posted on facebook:

"J-Hud brought down the house.  Weight Watchers looks good on you."

"Train: And thank you to Justin Bieber for not being a duo or group!" --Yeah, because your other competition was Maroon 5...not hard to walk away with a Grammy in this scenario.  Slash, Glee really counts in this category?!

"I'm not digging Ricky Martin's silvery sparkly skinny jeans..."

"Gaga is a weirdo.  The pointy shoulders, heads in silicone, cheez whiz outfits..."
--Side note: Her song is a much worse knock off of Madonna's Respect Yourself.  Give yourself a minute to find the tune for aforementioned song, and you'll realize that Gaga totally ripped off the beat.  But it's okay, because she imagined Whitney Houston singing this song?!  If I were Whitney, I'd be offended.

"Blake and Miranda are adorbable.  I want to be friends with them"

"Lenny is BALD?!  And he's wearing a cow skin rug as a vest?"

"Muse. Rocks"

"Why is B.O.B sporting a Col. Mustard eye piece?"

"I don't love Eva Longoria's dress..."

"I. Have. Bieber. Fever" and I'm not ashamed.

"I love Mumford and Sons"
-I guess Avett bros are pretty good too

"Bob Dylan needs to retire"

"Lea Michele announcing the "wimmers", poor thing"  The dude from the Packers has a MASSIVE neck.

"Ew Miley"

"Lady Antebellum wins everything..."

"Loving the Cee Lo Green show!  Hilar.  The puppets were awesome.  Hated Gwyneth's shoes, except I liked her appearance.  Cee Lo might be the biggest bird I have ever seen"

"Katy Perry may be pretty, but she sure can't sing"

"Um, shut up.  Norah.  Mayer.  Urban, ahhhhhmazing!"

"So. over. Need You Now and Lady Antebellum"

"Loving Ri Ri's dress for the Eminem performance"

"Who is Esperanza Spaulding??  Should have gone to Mumford"

"I know this is probably evidence of my lack of musical taste, but I could care less about Mick and Barbara performing."

"Nicki Minaj is a weirdo.  She looked like a cheetah carcass"

"Love that Eminem won the Grammy.  'What up Detroit, stand up!"

"We're back to Puff Daddy?  Aight.  But seriously, gold teeth?"
"The Rihanna, What's my name song is too dirrrrty for my liking."

"J. Lo is like a foot taller than her shrimp of a husband.  I didn't find them cute or funny"

"Again: Over Lady A"

"Arcade Fire's got a lot going on...specially the dude in the plaid in the back making that gosh awful screaming noise."

"Barbara, like me, seemed surprised Arcade Fire won."

"Was this encore planned?  Seemed super awkward."  Kinda like the chick yelling 'kickass' from the audience."

And with that my friends, I bid you adieu.  What about you?  Do you have any comments/thoughts from the Grammy's I didn't touch on?  Are you P.O.'ed that Bieber didn't win anything?

What's Cooking at the Sorenson's

Let me just take this time to tell you how much I L-O-V-E my crockpot!  It has spared many an argument in my marriage over "what's for dinner" and "when will it be ready" and "why do I have to cook AND clean up?!"  Well, you still have to clean up a crock pot and there's usually prep work involved, BUT there's nothing like coming home from work tired and drained and not having to cook anything because it's ready!

*Side note: crock-potting can also have it's pit falls.  These are what I call crock pot catastrophes, and I've had a couple in my young marriage...here's hoping this new recipe does not apply to the catastrophe category!!

In case you were not already aware (which you probably are because I think this is predominantly a family read blog) I have a wheat intolerance and am also sensitive to MSG.  Crockpotting is more difficult with these limitations since EVERY seasoning packet that really simplifies the crock pot contains one or both ingredients.  Which is why I love the blogosphere, and I subscribe to a gluten-free crockpot blog.  Life. Saver. 

Getting to the point, my mom makes a delicious gluteny/MSG filled roast with cream of mushroom soup and sliced onions.  Trust me, it's good.  If you don't have allergy problems, try it!!  Randall's recently had a sale on their Rancher's Reserve roast meat, so the hubs authorizes roast purchases during these times.  I've been wanting to try something different, since I always do a traditional roast from the cookbook I have using beef broth, seasonings, potatoes/carrots/onion, and a little soy sauce.  It's good, but gets a little ho hum with constant repetition.  The cream of mushroom soup sounded like a great idea and I just knew there had to be a modified recipe that I could use to make it my self.  I found one and made it last night.  I also saw on my GF crockpot blog that adding Lipton's onion soup was a lovely additive and it's wheat free!  (Warning: it does contain barley, so beware if you're totally GF, AND it does contain MSG, which is a bummer but I decided to use it anyway!)  It was fairly simple makng the cream of mushroom, except it was a little tedious having to pull out the food processor and grind everything up...I like having minimal clean up because I'm lazy.  I sliced up an onion and put both in the fridge so I would just have to dump it all in the pot this morning and press on. 

So, around 6pm this evening, I will know if my adventure in making my own mushroom soup pays off and the roast is a success.  If it's a winner I will be making it again.  However, I will be making my own onion soup mix so I can cut out the MSG. 

Stay tuned...

Bach Episode 5: I'm Ready to Get Down and Dirty in the Jungle

Before I begin this recap, I would like to start us off with some definitions for frequently used terms that these girls seem to not be familiar with...

·         Jungle noun, often attributive \ˈjəŋ-gəl\ land overgrown with tangled vegetation containing the dwelling places of wild beasts

·         Rainforest: noun, (rān'fôr'ĭst, fŏr'-) A dense evergreen forest with an annual rainfall of at least 406 centimeters (160 inches). Rainforests are often, but not always, located in tropical regions.

Thank you answers.com.  I would have been very confused last night, had I not been familiar with these terms and how interchangeable they are for some people...

We begin our episode with a recap of last week, which took all of 3 minutes.  And I'm thinking, I know right, this show can be summed up in about 3 sentences yet we're forced to endure 120.

Chris Harrison is noticeably absent.  Probably berating the wardrobe stylist for her many malfunctions this season and missed his cue.  Brad tells the ladies they will need to again pack their bags since they're going to Costa Rica.

Cut to Ashley the dentist: "I'm ready to get down and dirty in the jungle with Brad."  Thanks to answers.com, I can only assume she is referring to the mass chaos that is this house and these women, aka the lipstick jungle.

Anywho, the trip is underway and Emily lets us know that this will be a "new" experience for the two of them since she sure didn't grow up in a jungle and doesn't think Brad did either.  I'm still wondering why the term 'jungle' is being used.

They arrive at their hotel to see Brad and he shows them to their room for the weekend.

Alli lets us know they have a view of the volcano from their hotel and it was so cool because you could see steam coming from it.  Great insight Alli.  Did you miss the lesson about volcanoes from 6th grade?

The date card is dropped by Brad to sufficiently ruin the moment for everyone in anticipation of who's date it's going to be.  Emily picks up the card to put us out of our misery and Chantal's name is on it.  Michelle spirals off in to crazy land hoping Chantal gets attacked by apes.

All of the ladies sit around with Chantal while she waits to get picked up.  Most are sporting the side bangs braid, however, Chantal is sporting the massive mom clip from the 90s.  She also looks like she is dressed for the gym, and I was a little embarrassed for her when Brad came by in his corral polo and khakis.  (I won't say what I was really thinking at this moment in time.)  He whisks her off to what else, but a helicopter, and Chantal is still easily amused by it even though it's been done a bajillion times. 

Cut back to the bungalow and Michelle is bending poor Emily's ear about what she really thinks about Chantal.  I think she's "aggressive, overly confident and egotistical."  After her dominatrix stunt last week...no she didn't.  This reminds me of my youth group days that were targeted at gossip.  A wise leader once told me, often times the things we point out in others are things we don't like about ourselves.

Back to the Bach and Chantal-They fly over the canopy of the jungle the rainforest and Chantal is wondering what they're going to be doing.  I'm hoping they get to it quickly because the helicopter dialogue is killing me...Brad tells her they will be landing about 600' off the ground to go zip lining.

They're getting all geared up, and lo and behold it starts to rain.  Well duh, it's the rainforest.  And Brad is wondering if it might get canceled.  Well Brad, considering it probably rains nearly everyday here in the jungle rainforest, I imagine they've got this figured.  He does add that he hopes the rain makes them go faster.  Brad lets us know in his solo time that this date is important and could be a make it or break it, since last time he saw Chantal she was a drama queen.

They both seem to be enjoying themselves and the scenery, and Brad lets us know that he's glad the fun Chantal is back.  They clean up for dinner and make it about 2 seconds in when it starts raining.  Brad has a back-up plan and they run to his room.  I'm not sure if he says, you can use my bathroom to dry off or what.  But Chantal emerges wearing nothing but one of his white shirts.  Chantal is definitely down with the Risky Business.  Brad was tongue-tied.  Chantal proves that she will stop at nothing to get him to fall in love with her.  I was starting to feel uncomf.  After clearing the air on her behavior from last week cuz she was in a  "bad place" Brad gives her the rose.  Chantal makes many references to future children and seeing him every day for the rest of her life.  I'm still uncomf.

Next, the date card arrives for the group date, and Alli and Britt have their fingers crossed that one of them will get one-on-one time since they've each been on 5 group dates.  yikes.  The date card is read by Chantal and Alli has gotten her wish.  The other girls try to be excited for her.  Alli says she is so ready to have a date with Brad and to come home with that glow like the other girls.  I already feel bad for her.

Brad comes by to pick up the ladies for some adventure.  Little does he know that adventure for most of these girls is trying a new shade of lipstick or blush.  However, Brad leads them up to the top of the waterfall where he lets them know they will be repelling down.  I must say, Brad looks like a doofus in chacos.  It's like seeing linebackers in Vibram 5-fingers...it just ain't right.  I guess aqua socks could be worse.  Michelle's blood starts boiling because she and Brad have a phony pact to not go repelling without each other for as long as they both shall live.  She feels betrayed, and I'm thinking her crazy points have gone up times a 100.  Lea Michelle looks like she might faint, and says she's deathly afraid of heights.  Shawntel takes the bull by the horns and volunteers to go first.  She really wants Brad to notice that.  I like that about her.  Almost every one has made their way down except for Brad, Jackie, and Michelle.  Michelle refuses to go, and Jackie is left to make her way down in fear.  Britt is at the bottom letting us know that Jackie may have just soiled herself.  At least it's in the waterfall and will likely be washed away and on to them.  Michelle gets violent and lets us know she thinks Jackie is a giant pansy.  Brad, when he can finally get two words out when he's not shielding his face from her punches, lets Michelle know they will be going down together.  And in true bipolar form, her switch gets flipped for all of 5 minutes as they head down.

Jackie is obv jealous since she would have liked to go down with Brad.  And the tit for tat games ensue.  Kill me. 

Now it's time for the after party at some natural hot springs.  Finally, we get to see Brad shirtless, and Michelle ruins it with her dirty/filthy mouth.  Seriously, the producers need to monitor her wine/crazy pill intake.  Out of control.

Later at the pool, Emily lets Brad know she's a relationship sabotager, but she really likes him.  Michelle rakes Brad over the coals about showing other girls attention, especially Chantal.  Brad looks completely deflated and decides to not hand out the rose.  Smart. Decision.  Put those girls on notice that they better work.

Next morning, Brad's feeling better and is ready for his date with Alli, so they can go to the altar together.  Brad is once again wearing chacos.  Alli is in a dark cave and her obnoxious aversion to bugs and bats is enough to make any boy run for the hills.  However, they make it to the "altar" and talk about how cool it is.  We're all beginning to notice that the depth of their conversations is that of a kiddie pool.  However, they did get a cool dinner on a floating lily pad.  Alli is questioning what they're eating.  And Brad is wondering where the fireworks are.  More awkward conversation, and then Brad decides to start letting her down.  Alli chimes in with how comfortable she feels around him, and telling him how she feels.  Brad gets silent and awkward because this conversation is now in the opposite direction of his intentions, yet he finds a plug and lets her down easy.  Alli starts crying and is wondering how to get off the floating island, and I'm also wondering this very same thing.  Brad lets her go, and Alli goes down defending him to the death.  Poor girl.

Brad goes home to wallow and stew in his emotions, and then knock, knock, crazy Michelle's at the door.  I will spare you the play by play of this ridiculous conversation.  Basically, Michelle tells Brad no girl is right for him but her, especially not Chantal.  Brad is like who are you and why are you here.  Yet somehow, they start making out, and she's off again.  Seriously, she is psycho.  In her words, I'm telling it to you straight up 100%.

Now we're FINALLY to the rose ceremony.  Brad lets everyone know he's upset about how things are going and being confronted about his decisions.  Chantal's wheels are turning.  She wants to focus on her and Brad's relationship, but she just can't help herself.  Michelle plays dumb.  Emily takes the opportunity to apologize for her behavior, which surprises Brad.  "I said I sabotage relationships.  Who would want to hang out with me."  Kudos to Emily.  she's my favorite but I still don't see it with her and Brad.

Chantal decides to go ahead and drop the L-bomb for real this time when she's already got a rose and nothing to gain.  At least she is semi above manipulation.

Shawntel wants to help him relax by playing the quiet game.  Are we in 7th grade?  Oh wait, this just turned in to 7 minutes in heaven...I see what she did there.  I like Shawntel, but at best, they're glorified makeout buddies.

Michelle and Brad's one on one time is an absolute disaster.  Michelle turns it around on Brad to be his fault, and Brad is so cowardly he doesn't call her on her manipulation tactics.  She starts to cry and Brad is now fully succumbed to her black magic. 

Meanwhile, the other girls are playing detective and figure out that is was Michelle who said something.  They confront her, and she's like yeah I went over there so what.  The other girls are speechless, and finally Chris Harrison comes by to tink his champagne glass and get this show on the road.

Brad speaks from his heart and narrows down the final rose between Jackie and Michelle.  We're all hoping he makes the right choice, but alas he doesn't.  I was imagining a witchy cackle to emerge from Michelle, but I think she realizes she may not be as safe as she thinks. 

Until next time...

An Interesting Week

Sunday: I ran a marathon.  Yes, read I ran 26.2 miles in one day without stopping. (except to grab water/Gatorade each mile)  I had been training for this race since September and my training went very well.  However, what you can never totally prepare for or predict is the weather.  Unfortunately, an unusual warm spell came through Houston this past weekend and the highs were in the upper 70s.  Sunday was humid and the starting temp was 67 degrees.  I was hoping for a max of 50 degrees as this would be consistent with training.  Also, humidity was about 100% for the whole race.  If it wasn’t raining it was suffocating air.  My goal was 4:30 or below, but the result was 4:51.  Although I was bummed, it was a hard fight to keep going with the weather and I was definitely proud of myself for running the whole thing despite the conditions.  Looks like I’ll have to sign up for another race in hopes of reaching my goal.  I would like to give a shout out to my support system during the training and the race as well (without them this race would not have been possible): Gilbert’s Gazelles (my training group), family and friends, my training partners, and last but certainly not least my husband who ran the last 13+ miles with me and kept me motivated and mentally strong.  Special thanks to Mary for putting us up for the weekend, and a great friend and person, Stacy Phillips for coming to Houston to come and see me along the course and give her support.

Monday: Worked from home to begin the recoup process.  Took the dog for a walk and slipped out to get a massage that evening.

Tuesday-Wednesday:  The artic blast starts blowing through Texas and North Texas gets the rest of the week off.

Thursday: All of the Austinites had our fingers crossed that the snow forecast would ring true.  Also, we had Austin Stone on Campus to kickoff the Spring semester for the UT students.  It was a wonderful night of prayer and worship for the campus, the students, and the mission God has called us to.   

Friday: SNOW DAY.  We woke up to about an inch or two of snow on the ground and chilly temps.  We learned early that we would have the day off and were very happy to have an extra day to lounge.  I logged in to work for a few hours and we watched a movie and enjoyed the snow.  We took Lily on a walk that morning and she loooved playing in the snow.  Once the afternoon came, most of the snow and ice began to melt and my parents came over to take us to a movie and dinner.  Matt and my dad went to see The Fighter, and my mom and I had planned to go see Black Swan.  I had heard mixed reviews of Black Swan, but most people said, you have to see it.  Well, I was a bit out of my normal routine with waking up later than usual and not being as hungry, so I hadn’t much going in to the movie.  Big Mistake.  The filming was very rough, much like the Blair Witch Project.  Not to mention the brutality of Nena’s (Natalie Portman) self mutilation.  I lasted about 40 minutes before I couldn’t take it anymore and mentioned to my mother I was feeling sick.  Not 2 seconds later I was passed out cold.  Once I came to and got my wits back, we immediately exited the theatre.  So, that was embarrassing.  I decided to call a friend to see how it ended since I doubt I will ever see the rest of the movie…

Here are some photos and a vid of our snow day:

 

(You may want to mute this to not hear my annoying kid voice in the background...)

Saturday:  Went for my first run post-Marathon with some other running buddies.  It was a nice, easy 5 miles and I felt pretty good.  We all headed to Texas School for the Deaf to take part in their annual all you can eat pancake breakfast, then we ran some errands.  So, remember yesterday was a snow day?  Well, on Saturday the temps were back in the 60s-70s that afternoon.   I had a lovely coffee date with a student that I’m coaching and it was so nice, we sat outside.  Texas is so weird, but I love it.  Saturday night we had game night with some friends.

Sunday:  Super Bowl!  AKA the biggest American sporting event.  I really wish the Bears were in it, but I’ll be rooting for the Packers since they’re my childhood favorite and I can’t stand the Steelers.  This day is usually an excuse to eat a bunch of greasy food and veg on the couch watching football.

As you can probably imagine, this was not a typical week and I had to share the bizarreness of it.  Hope you all enjoy this Super Bowl Sunday and that it’s a good day of food, family and friends.