Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Bachelor Recap: Home Towns

--> Now we’re at the hometown dates.  Can someone please explain why there are 2 nights of the Bachelor AGAIN?!  Also, why is poor Sean being portrayed like the 40-year-old virgin on the cover of US Weekly and explaining how his fiancé is ‘dealing with it.’  This is just sad.
First Home Town Date: Houston, TX-AshLee

Her outfit kind of looks like Sandy’s from Grease.  She explains how she never knew what true love was until meeting Sean.  Did they coordinate the plaid shirt/dark jeans combo??  How cute.  Sean feels the pressure since AshLee has professed her love.  It adds a layer of “intensity” to meeting the ‘rents.  To cool the nerves, they drink white wine out of these giant wine goblets.  AshLee wants to marry someone like her dad, and Sean fits the bill.  The similarities are uncanny, and of course Sean can’t resist adding how great his dad is in to the mix.  I’m sure he’s full on sweating right now.  She’s amazed, I’m bored.  This could only be better if they were sitting in a field of bluebonnets.  Money shot.

Sean shows up with a bouquet of flowers.  They eat outside on the lawn.  Totally normal?  Dad wants to know where they’ve been, who she’s met, what they’ve seen.  I’m already exhausted by the hammering of questions and they just sat down.  AshLee brings up the Lake Louise story and her baptismal experience.  Then she tells her parents about the romance in St. Croix and there’s some throat-clearing and eyebrow-raising from these conservative folks.  Sean’s face can’t get any redder, but I think he blushed.

Deborah can tell she’s over the moon for Sean.  She’s a mama bear and wants to protect her daughter’s fragile heart.  There’s a theme of abandonment in her life (5 foster homes in a year), and now she’s abandoned herself to Sean…I’m nervous.  Bruce wants to know if he loves his daughter and he says he’s crazy about her and love is on the horizon.  What?  Worst.wording.ever.  He brings up the big, terrible, awful in AshLee’s past and his take on the sitch.  Dad says he took the path of least resistance and let her make her own choices.

Then Dad recalls the first day he met AshLee.  And I die.  The sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.  As a fellow foster parent, I get it.  Her dad says, ‘the first moment I saw her, I fell in love with her.  Some man is going to have to love her like that.’  Precious.

Second Home Town Date: Seattle, WA-Catherine

Of course they go to tourist central.  Pike Place Market.  They straddle a pig and make wishes.  Sean’s found the fun with Catherine and now that the romance is there, it’s all set.  Sean steps behind the counter to try and catch some flying fish.  He wants to know if it’s like catching a football.  What a doof.  Then it’s Catherine’s turn and after dropping a couple, she gets it figured out.  Catherine likes his smell (?), big beefy arms, and his acceptance of her.  I hope this isn’t the order of priority.

Side note, are Sean’s pants purple?

Sean learns some Filipino traditions to impress Grandma Lola, or graham-cracker as the fam likes to call her.  Now they’re ready, but Catherine’s worried someone might try to mess it up for her.  Sean remembered the hand to the forehead, so maybe things are getting off to a good start.  He’s rolling loompia(?) with mom, getting hit on by grandma…what could go wrong?  Sister sabotage. 

They ask if she would say yes to an engagement and Catherine gives a weird backwards answer.  The sisters feel like they’re being forced to like him.  They think she has her head in the clouds. 

Sean gets the sisters aside and so far I’ve only heard the older one speak.  The other is the trusty sidekick.  He asks if they think she’s ready for marriage and they basically tell him sure, as long as you don’t want kids right away, you keep it fun, and support all of her dreams.  Otherwise she’s going to peace out.  Real encouraging.  The sisters are not doing her any favors: messy (but not gross), moody…

He’s hoping to get a better sense from mom.  Mom wants her to be happy, but she’s not totally sure if they’ll work out.  She doesn’t want anyone to be led on.  Sean asks for her blessing, and mama says we’ll see.  Burn.  Filipinos-1, Sean-0

Third Home Town Date: Ft. Leonard Wood, MO-Lindsay

Sean is nervous to meet the 2-star general.  Yikes.  Sean’s purple sweater would be more tolerable if it wasn’t fitted at the waist.  The go to the 3 stores that exist in the town and go to some antique shops.  Then they have some brews and have some back and forth over whether to call him the General?  Mark?  They finally decide on Mr. Yenter.  Lindsay doesn’t know how intense the grilling will be. 

And then…she brings out some fatigues and makes him change and harasses him in front of the American flag on the base.  Cheeeeeesy, but kinda funny.  Then he has to work out in his Keds.  I bet he wishes he packed manlier shoes.

They get to the house in the base and there are quite a few flags out front.  Sean says something about Lindsay’s dad “making men” and he hopes he sees him as a man that can protect his daughter.  I’m thinking you already have 2 strikes showing up in purple and those shoes...Sean makes her tell the fam about her showing up in a wedding dress.  The general didn’t seem to find it too funny.

He gets grilled by mom and deflects the love question with an “I’m not at liberty to say”; um these are her parents you might want to find a more affectionate way of putting it.  He says that when he says I love you it would be to the final girl standing.  Her mom respects that answer.  She says Lindsay’s ready for marriage, children, etc.  Sean sees the potential with the mother-in-law as well.  He asks mom for tips on how to warm over the general.  She says just be yourself.

The general doesn’t want to see his baby girl get hurt.  He’s a softie when it comes to her.  Sean asks dad for his blessing.  He says it’s tough, he’s never been asked a tougher question in his life.  He goes in to his army background and being a parachuter and it’s all about assessing risk and being decisive and being dropped in to enemy territory and authority to make decisions, blah blah blah this is all starting to go over my head, but at some point there’s a glass clink and a cheers and I think we got a blessing.  Sean says the general’s not intimidating, but a very nice guy.  A man can be nice and still intimidating…He leaves with a memento of the experience, some ID tags with army values.  Lindsay says “I love you” and that she’s found her husband.

Fourth Home Town Date: Los Angeles, CA-Desiree

Sean’s recycling some outfits.  Particularly the pink shorts and purple/black softball tee.  Not a good combo.  They go hiking and she tells him how much she missed him.  And they make out.  A lot.  You really get a good sense of the smog covering the city as the sun sets.

They head to a small house, I think it’s hers. He sees the art on the wall that she did.  They make dinner for her parents.  I’m wondering if her parents have made it out of the tent city.  They probably would have shown every one the ropes on that Carnival Cruise mishap. 

Knock at the door.  Who could it be?  He thinks it could be her brother, but then he professes his love to her.  Sean’s about twice his size and the dude is wearing a plaid shirt (tucked in) and khakis…no need to get all macho Sean.  It gets really awkward, Sean is clenching/unclenching his fists.

I’m confused by Dez’s shirt.  Is backless and swoopy?!  And then PSYCH!  Dez knows how to play a practical joke.  I’m thinking this paid “actor” must have come on the cheap.  Dez is impressed by his macho, protective side.  Now it’s time to meet the parents.  Her brother looks like he’s ready to rough somebody up.  Roxanne and Tony seem harmless.

The brother is the wild card.  He asks how her relationship compares to the other girls.  She thinks hers is the strongest.  He says don’t fall for him.  He thinks this show is a joke.  He’s kinda right, but in a very intense/aggressive way.  He pulls Sean aside in the middle of dinner.  Dez is worried.  Her brother starts in and says he doesn’t think he’s very in to his sister and she’s in to him, and that he doesn’t see a connection between them that would lead to marriage.  He calls him a “playboy” and that he thinks he just likes to go around and have fun with each one and lead them all on.  I think we have a case of some truth-telling that’s overshadowed by his prison-like appearance, which makes it hard to tell if it’s sincere.  Sean says his integrity and character is everything to him and he doesn’t want to be defrauded by Nate…

They go back inside as they try to sweep it under the rug, and then dinner gets really awkward.  Tony starts talking about the weather and it all starts to go down hill.  Sean leaves early, and then the family turns on each other.

Later, we get a glimpse of the rose ceremony conundrum.  The two awkward home town dates (Cath and Dez) are on the chopping block and Dez is going to try for a hail mary…

Cocktail Ceremony
Ah, Chris Harrison comes in for the therapy session.  Sean is thrown by Desiree’s home town visit and the incident with her brother.  With Catherine, he doesn’t know if their lives align with her independence and career pursuits. What is with Sean’s velour polka-dot looking tie?!?!

Sean expresses his wavering emotions in front of the girls and Dez decides that this would be a good time to pull him aside and apologize and try to smooth things over.

Fantasy Dates Go To: AshLee, Lindsay and….we’re waiting.  In a dramatic moment, Sean drops the rose back on the platter and heads back to the framed photos to mull it over.  This has got to be torture for the roseless back in the room.

Sean wasn’t expecting the hail mary and now feels bad about sending Dez home.  As if you weren’t already going to feel bad?  Dez is sent home.  Or down the street.  Sean is a douche and tells her she has every quality he’s looking for in a wife and thinks he’s going to wake up tomorrow and regret it.  Ughhh.  Desiree explains what a giant mistake he’s making.  He looks like a coward that can’t stand up for his decisions. 

I feel a Bachelorette set-up in the makings…

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