Bachelor Recap: And then there were 3

We're in Thailand and Sean has a tough decision ahead.

He ponders life in his baby blue tank top and flip-flops.  He's looking fratty today.  The only thing(s) missing are some croakies for his sunglasses and maybe a visor.  Apparently he's not thinking about who he's giving a rose to, but who he sees a future with.  Isn't that one in the same Sean?

Now we get a trip down memory lane with Cath.  He can see them getting cozy on the couch after a long day.  Sean says he has the strongest relationship with AshLee because she wears her heart on her sleeve.  She embodies the American dream.  Lindsay is the spark that turned in to the flame.  Cheese ball.  There's more to her than the crazy drunk girl that showed up in the wedding dress.

Sean needs to take some core exercise tips from Bach Brad.  He ponders the meaning of life over the negative edge of the pool.

First Romantic Date?  Lindsay.  I feel like I've seen her outfit before...did she borrow some of Lesley's clothes before she got booted?  Lindsay gets the treat of strolling through a Thai market in 6" wedges and a skirt.  Lindsay will try anything but bugs, and Sean wants to test her limits.  Lindsay ate a silk worm and tried not to dry heave.  Then she just lets herself go and eats a grasshopper, a fried chicken foot.  I mean, where do you draw the line??  It has to be somewhere between the pastel baby chicks and fried chicken feet, just sayin'.
 
Next, they go sit and ponder their relationship on a humid beach.  Sean tells her she's his BFF and they have so much fun together and that totally translates in to real life marriage material.  Then they feed some grapes to rabid monkeys and make out on the beach as the sun sets.
 
Lindsay leaves nothing to the imagination in her dress that looks like its made for a doll. Entirely too short and tight.  They have dinner at the equivalent of a Thai carnival.  Sean seriously needs to find some SPF stat.  Sean does a feeler to see if she'd be willing to move to the big D.  He talks about buying houses, it was a bit too much at this stage of their relationship...Lindsay says she gets tongue-tied around him, she must mean that literally because all these two do is make out.  Lindsay amps herself up to drop the L-bomb, and then some dancers emerge wearing some legit Thai costumes.  They kind of resembled human origami with some nail streamers.
 
Fantasy suite card time.  She doesn't hesitate to accept, she practically dressed in her nightie and probably has a toothbrush stashed somewhere.   If Sean says he wants a best friend one more time I'm going to choke.  That's what Facebook is for.  They go check out the room and then the forced one-sided I love you happens...Sean's "inspired"
 
AshLee's date.  Can she surrender control and let Sean lead?  Hopefully sans blindfold this time.
 
What is she wearing? Mesh t-shirt and white shorts?  Yikes.  They set sail for the high seas and practice their best titanic poses.  How many necklaces does she have on?  Sean takes AshLee to a cave because he likes to see women with abandonment issues hyperventilate. That poor snakeskin triangle top is doing its best to keep the buzzies covered, but I think she might have bought this in the junior's department.
 
She knows she needs to trust in a relationship, but can she do it??  She's not comforted that Sean has no idea where he's going inside the cave.  You're not exactly inspiring trust here Sean.  He could try to be the slightest bit comforting.  She gets freaked out because its "pitch dark and you can't see anything."  She self talks her way through it in true therapy fashion and they "find the light at the end of the tunnel."  He's now AshLee's protector. Vomit
 
Sean: "I've never seen anything like this in my life."
Me: "You must not have watched Ashley Hebert's season of the Bachelorette."  Pretty sure this was taken out of the Bachelor date manual.
 
AshLee: "I don't feel like there are 2 human beings that belong together more than him and I"
Me: Bold.Statement.
 
Every part of AshLee's being wants to be engaged to Sean, not just her ring finger.  Her hearts not in to putting out in the fantasy suite and she hopes he feels the same.  She talks about making poor marriage decisions and she's glad she waited for the right guy...did we just gloss over her marriage at 17??
 
Fantasy suite card.  What will she choose??  Question marks added for dramatic effect. Sean sets her at ease with his expectations, and she says she okay with the alone time. Sean says he's falling in love.  AshLee lays out her exact specifications for an engagement ring, again BOLD!  I'm nervous for her if this goes south...
Cath does a running sprint for her man on the beach.  She has some catching up to do being the last date.  They take a pirate boat out to sea to explore, and again with the titanic poses...her bikini is not going well with the off-the-shoulder dress.
 
Sean is looking to catch up and Cath explains that she's been silly, but she hopes he sees her serious side.  Sean thinks Cath is the perfect mold for his BFF but he needs to know if their lives can match up for the long haul.  Cath says she's "expired" her time in Seattle. What does that mean?  Do you need to put more change in the life meter?  Cath explains that she was pissed about the sister interrogation because she felt there was some sabotage going on over jealousy. Cath says she was in a serious relationship that didn't work out and now she knows what it takes to make it.
 
It boggles her mind that she found the perfect man who is attracted to her.  The do flips off the back of the boat as she holds her nose, haha.  Then they make out for the next 5 minutes...in the rain.  Is the thunderstorm foreshadowing??
 
Cath is rocking the beach hair at dinner.  Sean feels like she really 'gets' him and he really 'gets' her.   She brings up the one-sided nature of expressing feelings on the show, and Sean gives her the consolation prize saying he could see himself marrying her.  Then she goes in to this big spiel about the moral dilemma of the fantasy suite.  Who knew we'd have so many prudes this season?  Has ABC found its conscience?
 
So basically they're all just going to shack, Baylor style.  For those of you who need some explanation on what this means: stay up all night talking and making out then putting on your Sunday best to pretend like you went to church as you go gorge at Ninfa's.
 
In true nerd fashion she geeks out about her hunky, beefy boyfriend.  She talks about being bullied and he tells her she's 'smoking hot'.  It finally dons on Cathy that like, they're in a relationship.  She falls in love.
 
Then, we're pulled from Thailand back to the Bach mansion where ABC fills air time with a promo for Oz the Great and Powerful.  Really? I can YouTube this stuff on my own time.
 
Sean intimates that he's made his decision and regretfully he has stronger feelings for 2 out of 3 women.  Who better than to decompress with than Chris Harrison.  He's having déjà vu from his departure with Emily.  He never imagined sending this girl home..I'm thinking that eliminates Lindsay since she almost went home night 1.  Cathy was kind of in the same boat.  Then he brings up sweetness and love and we all know who it is...
 
Sean's pretty confident that he will get down on one knee.  He gets his head in the clouds, and then Harrison brings him back to reality with not letting him look ahead to next week without dealing with today.
 
Home boy sure does love him some purple.  And I don't know what color those pants are, but I'm not digging the combo.  Harrison leaves him to ponder photographs and the video messages.
 
Lindsay mentions that they met in a wedding gown and she hopes she can wear another one again for him soon.
 
Cath says she knew he was a good guy coming on the show, a mega hunk and when they kiss she gets the wiggles.
 
Ash says all of her walls are coming down because of Sean and who he is.  I'm thinking she needs to meet Jesus.  He's pretty great too.  He will complete you, not Sean.  She can't get a grip on camera and says she's no longer broken?  I'm thinking its sinking in right now that he's not designed to fill this role for her.  Too much pressure...
 
Not digging Cath's dress.  Holy boobs AshLee.
 
Sean, I too am worried for AshLee's emotional state once you let her go...
 
Did Lindsay just say the "F" word?  Get a grip girl.  She gets the first rose.
 
AshLee has a pretty good stone face going.  Cath looks like she might pass out.  Cath gets the rose and all of the air leaves the room...
 
Her love and sweetness has turned bitter REAL quick.  She doesn't even want to hear his explanation.  He says he wants to give her closure and its just salt in the wound.  I have never seen a bitchier stare in my entire life...lock your doors ladies and gentleman she has that crazy look in her eye.

She talks about how this was serious to her not a joyride filled with fun and laughter...clearly a dig at the other two college-aged girls left standing.  I was really expecting her to fall a part, but those walls went right back up in to place.  Poor thing.  Lose that necklace while you're at it.

Can't wait for the Women Tell All, or as I like to call it, The Women Tell Us Everything We Already Knew.