When You Hope For Too Much (maybe)

I'm writing with a heavy heart today.  I feel my future family being threatened and there's nothing I can do about it.  I want to fight, but my fight doesn't matter.  I want to scream, but my screams won't be heard.  I want to cry, but I have to keep it together.  

Foster care. 

You've gotten the best of me today.  When you find yourself hoping for too much, dreaming too much, counting on too much, you have a long way to fall.  Any setback, or perceived setback can throw you for a huge loop.

And it's hard.  I find myself wishing/hoping/praying/fighting against people and I shouldn't.  I hope for their failure and I shouldn't.  When you crave adoption so badly that you hope for someone else's failure, it's not pretty.  I have to admit that's where I am today.  I don't want to be there, but I am.

Control.  

I wish I had it but I don't.  But He does.  And He asks that I give this to Him.  That He will carry this burden that I can't.  That He will give me the strength that I don't have.  That He will protect us today and always.

Please God, take this cup from me today.