Oh the drama of the prequel to the show…sounds like someone
pushed Tierra down the stairs?
Lesley and Sean have the longest onscreen kiss with 20 cheerers standing inches
from their face…oh the weirdness of it all. Claws are coming out amongst the girls at the good ole cocktail party.
And here we are again, same blue shorts, same Chuck Norris
workout contraption and shirtless workouts.
Sean is “blown away” by digging lots of women right now. He actually said digging.
Chris Harrison comes to congratulate the girls for being 1 of
16. Those are terrible odds, just
sayin’.
I think Robyn has lost her mind. She’s praying for the one on one date card to say: “Robyn,
let’s ditch these b**ches and fall in love for real.” Is she drunk?
Did you just hear yourself?
The date goes to Lesley M. “How long will this love last?” She’s a little nervous and
hoping this date takes them to the next level. Sean asked her what she thought the date card meant. She’s counting on a trip, Sean has
something better in mind…a tourist attraction on Hollywood Blvd. The Guinness Book of world
records. She keeps saying this
isn’t what she expected their date to be…obviously because you’re wearing a
backless cocktail dress. And I
think she means, umm, I was promised private planes to Napa or something?
Turns out Sean’s dad broke a record once for driving the 48
contiguous states in the shortest amount of time. Their Record?
Longest onscreen kiss. I
hope she brought chapstick. Lesley
says she’s a little intimidated sharing an intimate moment in front of a whole
bunch of people in one of the “craziest places in America.” Has she never been to Vegas? NOLA on Mardi Gras?
I have to say, she may feel awkward but I feel about 10x
more awkward watching this…I think ABC is trying to torture us. Why is she grabbing hair at the top of
his head? Shaking uncontrollably? There are so many things wrong with
this besides the creepy camera guy and on-lookers. And the fact that with both arms up, her dress about shows
her butt cheeks. Sean talks about
how great of a kisser she is, even though the only thing moving is their hands,
no lip action. Her lips look numb.
Lesley thinks the perfect world would be having her parents’
marriage. She’s afraid she might
not find it, and Sean says ‘hey I’m right here!’ She plants one on him and I saw way too much tongue action
on his side. Arie’s kissing
lessons need some brushing up.
Sean gives Lesley the rose. He thinks they’ve connected on so many levels. What does that even mean? I think their lips are about the only thing connecting with any consistency.
Group Date, who’s going to win Sean’s heart? The girls arrive on the beach and
they’re throwing the Frisbee/football and swimming. Then Chris Harrison arrives and everyone frowns. He does look a little bit like
Neapolitan ice cream with chocolate linen pants and baby pink shirt…it’s about
to get real up in here.
Red Team vs Blue.
I won’t bore you with who’s on what team. It’s bad news any way you look at it. They are aw.ful. Like, trainwreck central. There’s probably more sand in their
swimsuits and mouths than on the beach itself.
Red team loses.
There are lots of tears.
Especially from the model…get it together. She’s cracking under the pressure.
The red team is depressed back at the house. They lost their clothes at some point
along the way, because they all show up in their bathing suits.
Lindsay feels some chemistry with her and Sean. She’s looking for a best friend. When Lindsay falls, she falls head over
heels and gives everything to that person. They make out, stirring macaroni.
He and Dez have some one on one time and talk about her
smashing people in volleyball.
Sean’s seen the fun side of Dez, but she’s got a deep side don’t
worry. Her "deep" side is about as deep as a plastic kiddie pool. They makeout and giggle on
the couch.
The next date card, AshLee. Tierra tries to make a funny by saying the date’s a
two-on-one…Sarah’s not amused and gives her the evil eye.
Amanda thinks she’s got this one in the bag and doubts the
connections the other girls have with him. She’s actually awake and responsive this episode, which is
good news. She tells Sean she’s
everything he’s looking for. And
then he starts with saying, there’s a lot that I don’t know about you…I know
you’re pretty, I can tell you have a genuine heart. Then she talks about if they got married what she brings to
the table (a light, airy, fun side).
Dez is listening in and rolling her eyes. She’s thinking what everyone else is thinking, that Sean
would be bored stiff. Like I am
right now.
Amanda feels confident she showed Sean another side to her
today, and Dez is openly questioning and there’s tension. Kacie B decides this is a great time to
tattle tale and try to work it to her advantage. She is so dumb.
Like, you’re better than this, quit acting like a child…I don’t know why she
thinks this is her business, but she does.
Sean asks why she’s bringing it up. She says she’s not a drama person, but
she can’t be herself right now. He asks her
why she’s involving herself. Good
question. He says he wants her to
be Kacie, not the crazy girl.
AWESOME! Kacie has this
glassy look to her face…I think she should lay off the booze if she wants to
stick around.
Lindsay gets the rose.
Kacie is a drunk mess. Do
us all a favor and go home.
AshLee’s looking forward to her date and opening up to Sean
about her past. Tierra fell down
the stairs and looks completely out of it. No one calls a paramedic, they just wait for Sean to show up…Sean’s
worried she might have a concussion. Finally EMS arrives...
Then she starts arguing with the paramedics saying she
doesn’t want to go to the hospital, she’s fine, this is so stupid…if you were
fine, why were you pretending to not be fine? Her attempts for attention are backfiring. Except that she got some personal
attention from Sean and AshLee is just waiting in the wings for their date…
Finally they get to go on their date and they have Six Flags
Magic Mountain to themselves. Sean
is a charitable person and he wants to see if she is as well. They are going to be sharing their date
with 2 chronically ill children.
This thrills AshLee’s heart.
Two best friends are meeting for the first time.
They have fun riding rides and enjoying the park. Then the best day ever is capped off by
a private concert with Eli Young Band.
The poor girls had to 8th grade dance together, because Sean
and AshLee are clearly going steady and slow dancing together.
Later they get some one on one time together and they talk about
family. She talks about wanting to
adopt older children some day since they’re the least likely to get
adopted. He thinks that sounds
wonderful, and she’s happy he said that because she was adopted at 6. She tells him about how much her
parents loved her and how lucky she is and Sean tears up. He gives her a rose. I think this might be the first REAL
moment I’ve seen on this show, which sadly means it’s probably not going to last…AshLee
says she’s falling in love.
I mean, I know they’re at an amusement park, but you’d think
Sean could have spoofed it up a little bit… She’s wearing a cute dress/heals, he’s wearing a hoodie,
shorts and black sneakers…And now AshLee is crying and in a little too deep
already in these interviews. I
think this girl might be in for a world of hurt…
Cocktail Party time.
Sean decides to do something special for Sarah since she
didn’t get a date. He takes her
out front and doesn’t say anything but lets this limo pull up. She thinks he’s sending her home and
kind of freaks out, then we find out that he brought her dog to her in a
stretch limo…riding in style, man!
Is this Lisa Vanderpump’s dog??
Sean then goes to look for Tierra. She complains about not having enough time. Sean says if she’s lucky enough to be
there at the end, they’ll have all the time in the world. Wow, a little cocky there Sean?
Then Dez swoops in to steal him, Tierra walks off
pissed. “She wasn’t done with him
yet.” Well he didn’t shoo her away
so I’m guessing he was done with you…Tierra starts threatening violence. Then she steals him back..this is
getting ridiculous. Lesley steals
him from Tierra…seriously absurd.
It’s getting ruthless.
Dez is still sitting in the same spot and he’s on like the 3rd
or 4th girl…she cries.
There are multiple steals and then Kacie B comes in to try
and smooth the rough patch. She
confesses her delivery was a little off.
Honey, I don’t think it had anything to do with your delivery, crazy is
as crazy does… Sean admits they took 2 steps back. Then 2 ladies descend and pounce on his couch with
Kacie…hahaha. Yes, what are you
doing there??
Sean gets a little fumbled and distracted during the rose
ceremony and takes a rose with him and asks Kacie to come outside with
him. He says he can’t take her out
of the friend zone and sends her off in a Honda Fit instead of a limo…Kacie, I
hope you find your pride somewhere.
You are seriously acting like a high school girl.
Roses go to: Tierra, Leslie H., Catherine, Daniella, Robyn,
Selma, Sarah, Jackie, Amanda, Desiree
The model and the blubbering blonde chick get sent
home. And then there were 13.
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