To begin this week's recap, I would just like to point out that there was very little action this week and I'm disappointed. Aside from Michelle being extremely crazy, and vampire chick pulling a 180, there was really nothing else exciting about this week's epi.
Where's Roz when you need her to stir up some drama by sleeping with the ABC film crew?!
In turn, I will give a brief synopsis of the dates and rose ceremony, and conclude us with my notes I was taking on my iPhone with all the OMG moments.
Our first one-on-one is with Ashley S. I first need to point out that I have family in the Carolinas, one of which is a native of the area, and I don't find their accents annoying. However, I find nothing charming about the way Ashley S. talks, but thanks for forcing your so-called charm on us. We find they are going to Empire Records to botch Seal's classic, Kiss by a Rose. We find this song has sentimental value to Ashley because her and her dad used to sing it together back in the 90s. He has since tragically died of a brain aneurysm. Now, I don't want to be callous, but is it me or did the ABC interns hand select girls with Daddy issues to compliment Brad?! On the other hand, I did feel for Ashley, but home girl needs to make sure she is emotionally stable because she could not keep it together. She gets a rose.
Group Date (aka Michelle's idea of dinner with Satan himself): We begin with some CHEESY kung-fu moves by Brad and some trained professionals...I was at a loss for that 1 minute of time. We then continue with Michelle hoping all of the other girls get kidnapped by ninjas so her and Brad can jet-set to Tahiti and have fireworks while they share, and I quote, "slippery" kisses. That just sounds disgusting. Back in the real world, Shawntel the funeral coordinator shows us her sweet moves and her ability to make out with Brad on queue. All of the other girls are hating their lives. Later on the rooftop, Brad and Michelle have their first kiss and there were no fireworks. Tell me I'm not the only person who was disappointed by this...Chantel puts the moves on Brad after opening up about (fill in the blank) __________, yes what could it be but more Daddy issues. However, Shawntel ends up with the rose based on her kung-fu skills.
The next one-on-one date is with Emily and Brad takes her on a romantic get-away to a vineyard. Emily reminds me of Polly Pocket because she's so tiny you just wanna put her right in your pocket. That is assuming PP has some 9-inch heels and a sparkly jumper in her closet, which I doubt she does. Anywho, Emily and Brad arrive to a tarmac where a private plan waits to whisk them away. Emily is hesitant given her past, but decides she'll go since Brad seems so excited. They arrive and we are party to one awk-ward date. Emily is deflecting questions like it's her job and Brad is left to scratch his lip and think how to re-phrase it to maybe get another answer? FINALLY, home girl drinks enough wine to spill the beans on her life story. Brad falls in love, then she shows him how to roast marshmallows because that's a mom's job. Brad gives her that doggone rose.
Brad gets some more therapy. Not sure why he has to pay someone to come over to listen to him dish the scoop on all of his dates and to tell him that it's polite and genuine to actually listen when people are talking and provide feedback. THIS IS COMMON SENSE PEOPLE.
Now we have the rose ceremony. Madison is suffering from a meltdown and finally sheds the God-forsaken teeth. But it's too late for her to bring her walls down. She wants to open up to love, but just not badly enough. Michelle is creeping up on Chantel's one-on-one time, but Chantel's dress and amount of cleavage should be seared in Brad's brain. Ashley the dentist looks like she's about to go insane because she's not in control and needs to have her ego boosted. The redhead lets us know she's not in to one-night stands. Finally, Madison puts us out of our misery by getting the heck-outta dodge. The two blondes make their exit. One needs a serious reality check...pretty sure you're not as hot as you think you are Kimbo, and Sarah P. needs to buy some waterproof mascara.
And now, for my notes and one-liners from last night:
Allie: "My goal is to not sweat in front of Brad today...pit stains are not cute." (Amen, sister!)
Ashley S.: "I can't even stand to listen to my own voice..." (me either)
Michelle: "I hate the other girls." "Don't mess with me today." "I want to go to Tahiti with Brad to practice making babies." (You reproducing again is a scary thought)
Megan: "Hating Emily is like hating Mother Teresa."
Emily: Could not get over the veneers and lack of any facial expressions. Can someone please explain why a 24 year old needs botox?!?!
Shawntel the opportunist? I'd say so for the 4 consecutive takes on the make out scene.
Kimberly, I think Brad is intimidated by the circumference of your lips, not your awesomeness.
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