Okay ladies, first I need to get a few things off my chest about our "Bachelor". Brad, I'm sick of your apologies, I don't give a rats about you dumping Jenny or Deanna. Frankly, Deanna is terrible, and as if her Bachelorette season and serial dating of recycled bachelors wasn't enough, her appearance on TV last night was just another reason why she should have been dumped. Consider yourself fortunate. Next, I'm concerned for you this season. Your use of: 'I'm ready', 'I've done lots of soul searching', 'I've spent three years in therapy'...does nothing to cover up the terror in your eyes. *Pretty sure you just need Jesus Brad. The GIANT tattoo of the cross on your back does not work by osmosis, you might need to talk to the Big Guy every once in a while. I think this is more about image rehab for Brad, than finding a mate.
Anywho, I feel like this will once again be a train-wreck, drama-filled season. And I can't wait. The ABC staff has once again wow'ed us with their female selections. More than once I caught myself thinking, where do they find these people?? That is ratings gold my friends.
So, I will go one-by-one with the girls who stood out to me in my mind and why...
Alli: Her and Renee's battle for one-on-one time was classic. (More on Renee later) She seems like the token partier this season, which our Bachelors tend to have a weakness for. I'm going to dub her the "Natalie" of this season
Ashley H.: I don't really get the appeal, but my husband liked her. Makes sense.
Ashley S: Brad's new BFF. First impression rose.
Britnee: E for effort with the come-hither hand motion from the limo. Unfortunately that didn't work out too well...probably because you're a paralegal from Pennsylvania and that's just not sexy enough for the Bach. Also, I think her bio pic is deceiving.
Britt: Pretty and I liked her hair.
Chantal: Don't think she's over the ex...she's just lonely. AND has violence issues. Please refrain from slapping the Bachelor.
EMILY: I think she'll be top 3, unless she pulls a Frank. She definitely has 'house mom' potential. She seems the most grounded and not in to the drama.
J : where is the rest of your name?
Jill: Was kind of hoping she would stick around, but she seemed more 'buddy' material
Keltie: She was on speed. However, I thought it was HI-larious that she kept urging Renee to try again after numerous strike outs. She reminds me of a dog for some reason. Isn't a keltie a dog breed?
Kimberly: How did you make the cut? I'm still scratching my head on this one...
Lauren: Wow. Like yourself much? She looks like a bug.
Lindsay: She scares me.
Lisa M.: Loved the ruby red shoes.
MADISON: Girls like Madison are the reason we watch this show. There's always the token weirdo. I don't know if it was the editing, but I left wondering if she was capable of forming sentences without cackling in to couch cushions. Very Bizarre. But not as bizarre as Brad finding that hot. This chick was straight up weird, and I'm pretty sure she was high the entire episode. Also, you will never convince me that she is a model for anything other than "Hot Topic"
Meghan: She also scares me. And her shoes were terrible. She seems like the type that would punch you in the face if you ever tried to break up with her.
Melissa: Too old. Awkward cleavage
Michelle: She's irritating. 1) She tries wayyy too hard to be hot. 2) Who wears blush while running around the block?! 3) If she called herself a woman one more time... 4) She's crazy. Who gets nauseous because you don't get the first rose? She's drama.
RaIchel: There's no "I" in Rachel, oh wait, yes there is!! She and her waxing kit should have never gotten out of the limo...
Renee: Prideless. But it's okay, because she's better than all of those other B*$@#es
Shawntel: I like her, even though it's totally weird that she's a funeral director and hopes the Bachelor ends up in her mausoleum. Not the type of thing you really want to say on national television.
Stacey: she is scar-ry. Her man-voice and need the to be aggressive last night were frightening.
*Disclaimer: Brad may in fact be a religious person and I don't want to throw the book at him. I am making these observations solely on the footage and the fact that God was never mentioned in his "soul-searching/finding myself rants"
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