Bachelor Pad Episode 3

We open with Kirk talking power couples and strategy.

Meanwhile Melissa is still freaking out and throwing things in the kitchen. She's a "loose cannon".  I.E. please remove any sharp objects while Blake is around.  He comes in to try and talk to her "like adults" and he continues to make no sense when he's talking.  I think he speaks in metaphors as conversation.

Blake realizes that he's in trouble, but fortunately everyone still hates Jake more...
"Jake is the saving grace, he's higher on the chopping block"-Blake

Melissa tries to rally whoever will listen to the trash Blake train.  She approaches Holly and Vienna and proceeds to draw Holly in to the mess.

Melissa: "He's been flirting with you all night."
Holly: "I flirt with all the guys it's my nature."  I'm sorry, but how can that be someone's nature??  You have choices as to who you flirt with...

Blake's lets us know he's covered in water and Melissa is a live wire looking for someone to zap.

Next morning.  Kasey and Vienna are laying on top of each other being disgusting
Blake looks surprisingly much better without spiky hair and boy band clothes.

Jake feels he can really excel in this next challenge because he's been blessed with 3 strengths: mental durability, physical strength and problem solving.  Okay Macgyver, here's hoping...

They find out they will be competing against each other in a synchronized swimming contest.

Vienna was on the swim team of course she's going to be awesome. Not.

I love everything Michael Stagliano says.  I mean, who doesn't love synchronized swimming?!

Kasey needs to learn what sunscreen is.  That froggy is burrrned.

Jake feels like he has this in the bag because he learned timing and other skills from Dancing With the Stars.  Thanks for reminding us you were on that show because I tried to block it from my memory.  Poor Chelsea Hightower is cringing somewhere remembering that train wreck.  I hope she at least got a bonus and some therapy.

Their swimsuits are terrible...

Dave and Natalie are guest judges.  Yippee.  Further proving that nobody has any income outside of something to do with this television show.

The girls were terrible.  Synchronized is a key word in this.  It was a hot mess.  Erika looked completely disoriented the whole time.  Her medications probably advise her to not make any spinning/upside down motions, especially in that triangle top, Lord help us if one of the girls falls out.

Nat was digging the jazz hands Holly was bringing out.

Holly and Michelle kiss?  Why?  These people are so weird.

Vienna is 100% confident she's going to win this challenge.  Which of course means she doesn't and she cries.

Blake is so annoying.  Michael was owning it, making it his own.  The judges seemed to appreciate that.

Erika must have a crush on Jake.  She kept making references about him and his extra large package.  Gross.

Mike wins again for he guys.  Michelle wins the razzle dazzle for the girls.  Vienna feels cheated.  I'm not sure why.  If she didn't suck she might have won.

Michelle fills us in that she's crazy about Graham and can't wait to take him on a date.

Coming down from the challenge, Jake starts campaigning since he needs things to change drastically if he doesn't want to be sent home since he didn't win a safety rose.

He decides to start with Erika.  They're laying on a bed together and she scoots closer.  Erika is seriously so gross.  I'm seriously so grossed out by her and Jake.  She needs to quit it with the foot grazing of his junk area and the camera guy needs to get a clue that we don't appreciate close ups of her junk either...

Jake thinks Kasey and Vienna are losing steam in the house and he thinks he can rally people to get them out this week.

They're all in the kitchen and Jake and Vienna congratulate each other on their performances in the challenge.  It's really awkward and there's some giggling.  Kasey is obviously peeved.  He takes the opportunity to put her on blast in front of everyone making everyone else uncomfortable.  They fight like children.  Nice "Jenius" shirt, Kase.

Kasey: "She's more of a fame whore than he is."  In regard to Vienna.  They end up in the laundry room where they can fight some more about Jake without everyone else hearing.  At this point, Kasey is just as crazy as she is.  I find him just as manipulative and weird as Jake.

Michelle gets her date card and invites Graham, Blake and Kasey.  Why do all the girls ask Kasey and Blake on their dates?!  They're so obnoxious.  Blake says he's going to try and secure himself the rose tonight.

They go sip some wine on a mountain top. Michelle asks Blake for a private convo.  Michelle is the informant, and lets him know he needs to make amends with Melissa because it will be bad news for him if he doesn't.  Blake's got to make some sweet love to Melissa to make things right...I guess it's good that he doesn't mind "whoring" himself for this show.

Back at the house, Michael's date card arrives.  Holly doesn't want him to ask her because she just wants to be friends and pull back from their confused drama triangle...he ends up asking Holly (duh), Ella, and Vienna.

Michelle has a crush on Graham, but she's not sure if he's in to her or not.  Sounds like a flash back to Bachelorettes of seasons past.  Somewhere DeAnna is sympathizing.

Graham already has the rose? But then doesnt have the rose?  Nice editing...she pulls him in for a solid makeout.  Then goes and gets him the rose, although we already have seen him with it.  I don't like the way she says his name.  She thinks he's one?!  Who are these people and why do they fall in "love" every 15 minutes.  She thinks he's one of the best guys she's ever known, but she barely knows him as he said earlier...

Michael is looking for a good time on his date.  Holly can't read Mike. She's drained with the Michael drama.  This should be a great date for all parties involved...

They end up at a ranch where they will be horse-back riding.

Ella loves horses and is excited.  Vienna doesn't want to wear a helmut. She's grossed out by the smell, sweating, pollution.  Ella wants to smack her in the face, as would everyone in America right now.  I can't handle her constant complaining.

Back at the house, Blake's going to try and make amends with Melissa. And he's going to pretend to be in to her again.  Business as usual to get things done.

Ella and Vienna are hanging out, gossiping about Holly and Michael and what went down.

Holly calls Michael out on being super friendly lately. Does he miss her?  I thought she didnt want to talk feelings?!  "I feel like you are my home"-Holly.  This girl is expert at digging for compliments.  If you don't want to lead a guy on and starts things up again, why do you continue to have these conversations?!  Ugh.

He tells her she looks beautiful every time he sees her...yada yada.  They have a roller coaster relationship, which is why she thinks they shouldn't be together.  News flash!

Back at the house Kasey is on a balcony deep in thought.  He apparently has inner struggles.  But he's an adaptor and a leader to his "followers".  He is such a douche bag.  And I'm not sure why he's rallying the dudes...the girls vote.

Erika wants Kasey gone so Jake will be safe. And she obviously wants to get busy wih him.  Jake wants some assurance she has his back.  He's willing to do whatever it takes.  Awkward silence. Then awkward making out. Erika says she keeps her lips in good "shape" by getting lip injections every 6 months.  Apparently this makes her the best kisser ever.  I seriously just vommed.

Back to Michael's date and Holly playing some serious head games...she gets the rose.

Bret Michaels tour bus shows up.  Shoot me in the face.

Mikey gets down and dances a jiggity jig in excitement.  Bret tells Holly she's beautiful.  He wants to get to the bottom of their situation.  Of course he serenades them with 'Every Rose Has it's Thorn'. I'm so cheesed out right now.  Like almost dying of embarrassment.

Holly's life flashes before her eyes, and it was the most beautiful thing that could have happened to her. But they must figure out the thorns...this seriously came out of her mouth.

Jake and Vienna's 6 monthiversary rolls around.  He has a present for her to show his commitment to her and their team.  My love for you is infinity.-Kasey.  O.M.G.  If I thought I was cheesed out before...oh boy.

Kasey has a curious ring box with a present for Vienna in it.
"I don't want that to be an engagement ring"-Vienna.  Ouch.
Kasey: "Why would you say that?  It's not am engagement ring.  It a promise ring."
She laughs at him.
"Why would you say that?  I'm trying to do something nice for you..." Kasey trails off about her being ungrateful yada yada.  I'm pretty sure he said something about protecting her, etc.

They're so gross.  And now he's singing to her in his froggy-milk throat voice.  He is such a douche...I seriously can't handle his impromptu singing sessions.

Erika can't trust Melissa because she's in the hot tub with Jake .  She decides she needs to sabotage her to get rid of her so she blabs to Vienna about Melissa and Jake having a serious conversation in the hot tub and going against the alliance.

Erika is army crawling and spying.  Melissa is off the deep end again.  Emotion before logic...Melissa is causing drama, Erika is finding it amusing.
Erika: "Melissa is in a constant state of crazy."  Although she's still disgusting, she has kind of endeared herself to me with her ridiculous comments and spying techniques.

Hurricane Melissa is in full force.  She wants to align herself with Jake because he will listen to her and comfort her.  Read: He is the only willing to listen to the crazy because he has something to gain.

Chris Harrison pops in to let them know how it's going to go down for eliminations.  Ladies are safe.  Only one guy is leaving Bachelor Pad.  Hmmm wonder who that's going to be?!

What does Erika keep holding up in the air?  She thinks her and Jake will be the new power couple if Kasey gets voted off?  Yeah right...you and your crystal gavel need to get a clue.  She does realize though that they need Melissa to get on the Jake train to keep him safe.  She makes up with Melissa temporarily and uses Melissa's naivety to her advantage with her reverse psychology tactics.

William drops the bomb and lets it slip to Kasey that people are campaigning to get him sent home.  (I had kind of forgotten Will was even on this show before that moment...) Kasey goes on a torrent to confront everyone responsible.  Vienna goes Mean Girls style and also to tries to tear down Erika and Melissa for being traitors.

Kasey and Jake have an aside that is not productive whatsoever.  Jake just keeps saying he doesn't know where the numbers lie, blah blah blah.

Erika: "People are letting trailer trash and a tattoed guy run their lives and it's pathetic"  Hilarious.  Zing!

In a dramatic rose ceremony, OHCH tells us that this might have been the closest vote in BP history.  Kasey's name gets called and it immediately cuts out.  I guess we'll see Jake's dramatic exit next week...