We begin where we left off...
Kasey gets the final rose and he immediately walks over and gives Vienna a big fat kiss.
Jake gives his final diatribe. He gives the speech that the remaining players need to be smart and get rid of the power couples. Kasey and Vienna need to go home.
Kasey throws the deuces as Jake walks to the limo. He tell us he is the strongest "strategist" and likes to tell people to 'kick rocks, dude', and 'I want to punch him in the face', every 5 seconds. Do us all a favor and punch yourself in the face.
Jake has a lazy left eye. I don't know if he's drunk or just barely sane as he leaves the house.
Michelle is sqwuaking like a chicken now that Jake is gone...
Vienna tells everyone thank you, since she knows most of them did it for her. Everyone she just thanked rolls their eyes at her and Kasey since they're acting so smug.
The next morning, Harrison stops by in his bright lavender button down to let every know the day's competition. The Second Annual Kissing Contest...any giddy feelings Kasey and Vienna might have experienced have since evaporated and an awkward aura takes over the room.
In the meantime, Vienna takes inventory of those that are left and who's in her alliance. She lets us know who the expendables are: Melissa, Blake, William, and Erica.
Michelle is trying to take the high road by not participating. I'm pretty sure the high road would have been to not come on this show, but whatever. Participate already. You're not the best role model whether or not you do this competition...
Blake's excited to kiss Holly. Surprise.
Blake: "There's going to be a tonselectomy today, the doctor is in." First of all, gross. Second of all, you're a huge douche. I don't know why people on this show think you're intelligent because you're a dentist. It is continually amazing to me how you butcher the English language.
Of course Holly is first. William gives her a peck out of respect for Michael, and so do several others.
Holly: "All the guys kissed like grandmas today, except number 5..." (obviously Blake)
The stirring macaroni is.killing.me.
"I have skills in my repertoire that I think is a little intimidating to the other guys"- Blake, why are you still talking??
"Number 5 really got in to it, that was a baby making kiss"-Ella
Will and every one else is giving Vienna the shaft.
Ella is very confident in her kissing. She has some sure fire techniques that involved nibbling and basically sucking the bottom lip right off some of the contestants...
Erica thinks she's got this in the bag because of her lip injections...no words. It was a hot mess.
Kasey has bad breath, apparently. Not to mention his lips are like pencil thin...no thanks.
Michael and Holly go at it. Everyone's pulling for those two-until it's time for Blake. Ew. I mean that was like 5 min long, Holly...
Ella won for the ladies. Blake wins for the dudes.
They each get a romantic one-on-one with the person of their choice and a rose is up for grabs on their respective dates.
Ella decides to take Kirk on her date. They hop in to a Ferrari, she drives...I think she might like to wear the pants in relationships.
Will has regrets, he wishes he could go back and be a man-whore because he wants to be in a Ferrari right now...
Melissa is freaking out that Blake won because now she thinks they'll be going on a romantic date together. They're sitting on the couch. Her roots show up nicely in the bang braid Michelles perfectly assembled on her head. She's going on and on about what they might do on their date, how great this is, etc, etc. We're all waiting for the bomb to drop.
Blake hasn't decided who's he taking on his date...he hints this to Melissa. She freaks out. He's dumb and dug his own grave. Blake wants to take Holly, obvy!
Ella and Kirk's date. AKA the most boring people to watch on a date.Ever. Kirk brings up the mold and what the money's going to do to help him with his bills and reimbursing his parents. Ella wants to buy a house and start a foundation for battered women. Ella's mom was shot in head right in front of her and her sister when she was 3. That ranks up there as one of the worst things I've ever heard. Way to have spark up the romance.
Pizza and wine. Classy.
Erica wants to de-stress Blake by giving him a sensual massage. She's weird. What the heck is she wearing? She's hoping he'll take her on the date and consider dropping Melissa and taking her on as a partner. She's rubbing him so awkwardly...she tells him she would do anything he wanted if he takes her. What a ho-bag...
Back to Ella and Kirk. She's wearing a very boobylicious shirt for a mom...They go on a hot air balloon ride. They totally dorked it up for these two.
Blake's date card. Melissa is uber confident and I'm not sure why. You could literally cut the tension with a knife. Blake tells everyone he's thinking outside the box, shaking things up, and hoping to win. So he asks Holly on the date...And this will ensure his death next week when he doesn't have the rose.
Melissa says that's f**ked up. And runs out crying...
Michelle: "Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves. Melissa wears hers on every article of clothing she's wearing. Including her hair tie, her underwear..." Oh, Michelle.
Melissa: "Someone needs to stick up for me..." Since when are you defenseless??
Melissa: "He's made me so many promises, he pinky swore!!" No joke. She said that. I guess pinky swearing is like signing your name in blood in her book. She says it twice. And since when do people in their 30s pinky swear to each other??
Melissa runs around trying to rally people to her cause. Of course she hits up Michael. She's hoping he's just as crazy and will turn on Holly.
Michael: "Holly is a girl I was engaged to..."
Melissa: "Holly doesn't give a f$ck about you." Seriously Melissa, where is your Prozac? You've missed some doses.
Melissa: "I'm ready to rally all the people to confront him together. He's a dictator. How do you ruin a dictator? Take out his resources" She confronts Holly who plays the naive card.
She is on a rampage. I wish she would fall off the planet. That poor yogurt can't catch a break either...
She finally tracks Blake down and he's midway through his nighttime brushing routine. Ever the conscientious dentist, he tells her he has about another 40 seconds to go...she stands and waits. We don't get to see what they talk about...
Blake and Holly match for their date together. Isn't that special. In true Bachelor fashion, they take a limo to the airport and catch a private jet to the mountains. Holly is pretty much the worst skier ever, but she's having the best date ever.
Blake: "I think our chemistry is impeccable." Like seriously, who says that? That's right, no one because it makes no sense!
They're over the sking and start tackling each other in the snow. I was hoping for a Dumb and Dumber moment, but it never came. We just get to see them laughing for the next 10 minutes...
Holly: "The sad thing about this date is that I haven't thought about michael at all." Yikes. Meanwhile, Michael is sulking, hoping she's thinking about him. Ruh roh
Later, they arrive at a fireside picnic in the snow. Blake wants to know what is going on between Michael and Holly, since he's clearly going in for the kill. She doesn't really give him an answer, basically beats around the bush. I guess somewhere in Blake's dense skull this means a green light?
He asks her if she wants to spend the night there and they decide to spend the night together?!
Blake in yet another atrocious one-liner of the century brings up the kissing contest to segway in to kissing her...he's so slimy and gross and she's eight shades of orange. I'm sick of these two...
Michael takes these 24 hours to do nothing but sit by the fire shirtless and fall back in love with Holly. He can't wait to see her and tell her his epiphanies while she was gone. When she gets back, he tells her she's irreplaceable and he didn't sleep at all because he was missing her. And he tells her he's fallen back in love with her...
Holly: "You said you didn't want to be back together..." Uh oh
Michael- "Did anything happen?"
Holly-"Well, we kissed once." Yeah, I guess an hour makeout session and shacking totally counts as one kiss.
Mike freaks out. Holly's a heartless bia. She spills to Vienna about her confusion. Seriously.Over.It. Stop crying and get your s-word together.
Cocktail Party. Harrison looks ravishing in his suit and pencil tie. 1 guy and 1 girl will leave tonight.
Everyone's running around trying to figure out how everyone else is voting. In the beginning it appears Kirk and Ella are pulling for Kasey and Vienna to go. I mean, it's about time. They don't win any competitions and therefore have no power...
Kasey-"I just want to remind you, the money is necessary for my grandmother to live." For real?? You've got to be kidding me...Seriously hope grandma doesn't drop dead when you lose.
Will's not a nag. He's not going to pressure cook anyone for votes.
Michael prepares a 'date' for him and Holly. Holly is naturally cautious because she is wondering if it's the environment or if he really does want to be with her. Okay maybe she's not sooo heartless but for real figure it out and stop leading people on...
It's becoming increasingly obvious Melissa is the target this week for the girls. Because she is a freaking nut job.
Graham: "I don't even talk to her and I feel like she drains the life out of me. I would walk out of here if I was left to have Melissa as my partner." Me too!
Melissa: "A verbal agreement does not ensure my safety". Nope, so she basically decides to go around and ask everyone how they're voting and who they voted for if they voted. William is the first to drop the news that he in fact voted for her.
She doesn't seem to understand why she's the target. Naturally, it's all Blake's fault.
Melissa: "Why did you do this to me??"
Kasey: "I felt like I had to lie to her because I felt like she was going to cut my nuts off." You're right, Kasey, she might have. Although I'm not entirely confident that they've even dropped yet. You still have Kermit voice.
Seriously this girl is bat shit crazzzy...
Commercial Break. DWTS cast revealed. I hope have Chaz Bono on means we'll have a Cher performance. Ron Artest, put your shirt back on, we're not impressed. Is it bad I'm hoping Nancy Grace breaks a hip the first week?! Rob Kardashian, you have no fame on your own...How do you even get on this show?? Kristin Cavallari, when your fiance dumps you I guess the next thing to do is go on a reality show. Hope Solo is real pretty, and gargantuan. I can't figure out David Arquette. I can't wait for Carson and his crazy costumes. Ricki Lake is still famous? JR Martinez, I have no idea who you are but you got the sympathy vote. Chynna Phillips, Elisabetta Canalis? Yeah, I don't know who you are either...
Rose Ceremony
What the heck is Michelle wearing?! She looks like a hobo
Will gets sent home and so does Melissa. No surprises there.
Michelle says William's the salt of the earth and is rather devastated he's leaving. Am I missing something?
The girls give Melissa their roses. Blake feels responsible, but happy she's gone.
Melissa can't form words, she's just sobbing. I hope there's a therapist in the limo. She just turned her back to the camera...I hope all sharp objects are out of reach.
Next week we're treated to some more Erica Erotica with Blake.. And I'm sooooo grossed out.
