Well, now that the craziness of Michelle has left the show, we're down to the normal and semi-normal girls left. We see that Brad will be taking a trip to Seattle, Madawaska, Chico, and Charlotte to visit the girls on their hometown dates.
But first we are treated to Brad's innermost thoughts while he stands on a balcony of a hotel in NY wearing a kangol hat. I guess it's a slight grade above the chacos and the army leotard from the Elvis show.
Brad lets us know he's super excited about seeing Chantal, but he also has some concerns because dating her is like being on an emotional rollercoaster. I would verge to say it's more like being on a crazy train, but whatev. He wants to see a 'less emotional' side of Chantal this week. So basically he's hoping she's a different person...
He loves being around Ashley because she's so bubbly and fun, but they also have to reassure each other of their feelings every time they're together and he's ready to move past that. SO ARE WE Brad, because it's like nails on a chalk board.
He and Shawntel's connection is "building" because she's so unassuming and they have an unspoken connection. Except for that time she told him she was falling in love with him.
Emily is his clear favorite, but she's holding on to her great love of her past. He wants a chance with her, and by golly he's going to try his hardest to break thru (yikes...) Not to mention she has a 5 year old...
Sounds like a recipe for relationship success if you ask me.
Seattle, WA
Chantal is soo excited to see Brad again and tells us she feels just as crazy as she did in Anguilla. I'm sure Brad would be happy to know that. Brad arrives, and they begin to discuss their plans while he's in her hometown. First they're going to her house (aka the Animal Farm) and then to her parent's who live just 4 streets away and she sees all the time. Brad takes this opportunity to lay down the law and say that he will. be. in. Austin. Chantal thinks this is wonderful, but we're not so sure.
They arrive at her place and we are immediately greeted by Boca (yes, like the fake vegetarian hamburgers). However, I am a big pommer fan so I can't hate on the dog, just on the awful grooming and t-shirt it was wearing. Next we meet Jinxy and somewhere there's a Bailey. Brad seems slightly overwhelmed, especially by the lack of enthusiasm of Jinxy and wanting to be Boca's BFF. Brad takes a quick inventory and wants to know who all's going to make the move to ATX, and Chantal gets that crazy looks in her eye and motions to all four of them. Brad can't hide his enthusiasm at this point. I LOL'ed.
Next they pull up for dinner and Chantal's parent's mansion. Brad is a little timid to walk in the door, but is quickly put at ease when he meets Billie Joe, who has an affinity for purple eyeshadow and brightly colored shirts, and plastic surgery, and then her frat-daddy husband. Brad thanks the ABC wardrobe stylist for making sure they had matching outfits.
Things are going pretty well, except we start to see the nervous sides of Brad take over in the form of oversharing and word vomit. He makes a crack about "having done this before" and then tries to overcompensate by saying how great Chantal is. Billie Joe is eating this with a spoon, and I'm wondering what mother in her right mind would think this is a good situation for her emotionally frazzled, divorced daughter.
Brad and Chan's dad go outside for man time and we see the self-made man statue and bond over their similar rags to riches story. Conveniently, they both have daddy issues and talk about how this makes them better people. Brad asks if he thinks Chantal is ready to settle down. Dad tries to play down her desperation a little, but still manages an "uh, yeah, she's been ready for a long time." Dad then cuts to the chase in the wine cellar in giving his consent to marry Chantal. I think this family is ready to see her married and out of their hair...
Meanwhile, Chantal is crying to her mom about her feelings, per usual. I don't think it's possible for her to not cry and wipe her eyes incessantly in any given episode.
Madawaska, ME
We next come to the furthest point in North America without being in Canada or Newfoundland and find out this is Ashley's stomping grounds. Ashley, although I believe she's in her 30s, manages to pull off a 21-year-old like a champ. Especially when she says things like: "Isn't that cute, I used to work in a bar." No, it's not that cute.
We then learn of the Acadian/French culture of Madawaska, and Brad is baffled by this. Ashley tells him about her favorite dish, that she naively thought all Americans ate, which is french fries with gravy and cheese. Let me just take the time to tell you have freakin' nasty that not only sounds, but looked.... The waitress comes by to take the order, in French or whatever hodge podge of French is spoken there, and Brad responds with a "si". Bless his heart. In his defense, here in Texas the only other language ever spoken is Spanish...
Brad tells us that he and Ashley are in a good place, but they need to be in a great place. And once again we are entertained by Ashley's grand hand gestures and incessant talking about how she feels and her not being able to hide it.
Next, they start frolicking around and taking gosh-awful pictures of each other. It reminds me of the terrible photo-ops on the Ferry with Gia and Jake. Foreshadowing to a similar outcome? Let's hope so...Imagine the most annoying voice possible squealing, we're in Maiiiinnnneee.
On to Ashley's home where there's lots of screaming, o.m.g.s and sitting in laps...kind of awkward in my opinion. We see that the memo for this evening was every bad shade of plaid...Brad once again breathes a sigh of relief that he fits right in. Ashley's sister gives us a toast and thanks Brad for picking her. Ash's dad takes him to the claustrophobic garage to have some one-on-one time about Ashley's ambition and if he's supportive. Once again we hear about Ash's OCD about her career and ambition and Brad is wondering if that will coincide with his lifestyle. I found it odd that Brad had to ask her Dad if Ash wants kids. Why wouldn't they have already talked about this?? Then he says, I don't know?
Then on to Ashley's sister. She seems to have the same drive for the body ink that Ashley does for success in life. She assures Brad that Ashley is in fact ready to settle down and Brad breathes a sigh of relief.
Then the brosef comes in and asks if he proposed would she say yes? Ash thinks a minute and says, probably not if he were to ask right now since I need to get to know more about him. PS, you don't have all the time in the world...and her brother is like, thank God!
Later, Mom asks if Brad is going to spend the night. Brad gets uncomf. I get uncomf and wonder what mom says this stuff?
Chino, CA
Brad is cruising around Chino (probably in a Ford Explorer, is ABC taking budget cuts?!) and finally gets to the mausoleum that is Shawntel's employment. Brad says their relationship is on a whole new level, cue the creepy organ music.
Shawntel is super serious about this, she straight up says "Death is a big part of my life and he's going to have to be okay with that". Brad arrives and remarks how pretty it is here. Shawntel (thinking he's talking about the mausoleum) is like, oh wait till we get outside it's so much prettier out there. Brad does an awkward throat clearing, and is like no I was definitely talking about Chico not this place. That just happened.
On to the tour of fun, our tour guide asks, if you die, do you want to be cremated? Brad gets a blank face and feels like he's about to suffocate and says honestly I've never thought about it.
Side note: you're pushing 40...you've never thought about your death and preparations for it??
Brad in his confession time is like, I'm thinking that if Shawntel and I get married, these are going to be our conversations. They're going to be centered around death. Cue the camera shot of him looking solemnly at the incinerator. This is some good tv right here ya'll.
Next, the real fun part of the tour: the prep room. Shawntel says this is her favorite place and the best part of her job, embalming. They talk about instruments, Brad lays down on the cold, metal table imagining all of the dead people who have been on it before. I'm gagging listening to the descriptions of the process, and she clearly looooves it. They continue the tour and Shawntel lets Brad know she can totally bring her talents to the ATX to embalm the dead of Austin. Just what every man wants to hear.
Brad tell us he doesn't handle death well. Shawntel endears us with the fun parts of her job. And yes, she does use the word fun. I'm wondering if Brad has heard of heaven. You would think so given the ginormous tattoo of the cross on his back. He says he has difficulty saying goodbye to people.
On to Shawn's house. Shawn's dad tries to tell Brad that in the funeral biz, it's not all doom and gloom. He asks what they did that day, and Shawntel fills him in. His response: no rose for you. He's on to something there.
Cue awkward dinner conversation about Shawn supposedly inheriting the family biz and Shawn totally wanting to ditch her responsibilities and move to Austin. Brad is sweating in his collared shirt sweater combo. Obviously the matching outfits are about all Brad and her dad have in common.
Now on to the emergency family meeting with Shawn and Daddy. They hash it out and regroup. We also get to see the lovely cartoon drawing of the fam mounted in the parent's room. Lovely. Somehow at the end of it, he gives Brad his blessing.
Wow. That was intense. Does anyone else think Shawntel talks like/kind of resembles Juliette Lewis? All I can think about, since I've made the connection is her character in What's Eating Gilbert Grape...
Charlotte, NC
First we see the reunion of mother and daughter. Is this really the first time they're seeing each other?? So like ABC, to keep mom and child apart for ratings purposes. We see their loving embrace, and then see that Ricky-Tick still sucks the good ole thumb. Isn't 5 a little old for that?
Emily preps Ricky by telling her she has made a new friend, just like she does at school, and she wants her to meet him. We see Brad making his way over with a wrapped gift for "Little Ricky". Am I the only one that found that annoying that he calls her little Ricky?
At first, Ricky is not having it. At. All. She's a shy little one and would rather not talk to or look at Brad. Finally, they get the kite opened and she begins to warm slightly. They have a nice little outing at the park, and then make their way back to Emily's place. Ricky runs upstairs to show Brad her room and playroom, and things really take off when they play board games together. Later, they both put Ricky to bed and our hearts melt.
Brad and Em make their way downstairs and Brad gets stone cold awkward. Emily is hoping for a kiss, or some affection, and Brad is frozen in fear of the 5 year old sleeping upstairs. Emily asks what's wrong and he gives some bogus answer about respecting her and Ricky by not showing affection. Emily is annoyed and disappointed. She points out the obvious that if this works out, there's ALWAYS going to be a 5 year old sleeping upstairs. Brad gets even more awkward. Finally, they kiss. I mean, come on Brad she's single mom with needs, grow a pair.
Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison makes his first appearance to discuss the home town dates and be Brad's fill-in therapist. We find out he liked Ashley's house the best. (what?!) Harrison states the obvious and says she the only one who hasn't verbally said she's falling for you and the others have. Brad shoots back with: I'm not concerned with how they feel, I'm basing my decisions on how I feel" Zing. Finally Brad found his cajones.
We finally see the ladies. Em looks straight up hot. Ash is wearing some weird sparkly white dress, per her usual, and Shawntel looks like she had a rough go with her bedazzler and her dress. Chantel looks like she's trying to find her inner Audrey Hepburn with the bun and dress and it was not a success. I think she consistently has the poorest outfit choices for the rose ceremonies, second only to Britt and see through slippers.
Ashley gets the first rose. Then Emily. Now it's down Shawn and Chan. Chan gets the rose!
Shawntel looks about as devastated as you can be when you look like Juliette Lewis, and tells us Brad was the perfect guy that treated her perfectly. I call BS. He's a commitment phobe that can't even come to terms with one of the most basic facts about life: death. I think she got woo'ed by the fancy dates. Happens to the best of 'em.
Ashley is already overanalyzing and thinking about the next elimination ceremony (as she makes the chopping motion with her hands) and looks like she's about to spiral out of control.
We'll pick this up next week in South Africa.
