So, we start off this episode with Brad tying his lil Grey Keds. How cute. He then steps out on the balcony of his NYC pad to look pensive and reflect on the three women remaining.
Here's what I gathered:
-Chantal=Chemistry=Roller coaster of emotions
-Ashley's family sounds like a gaggle of chimpanzees at the zoo
(Brad's reflection on Ashley should be accompanied by none other than Kelly Clarkson's Where is Your Heart)
-He's a better Brad around Emily.
On to the most interesting part of this entire episode, South Africa and all it's wonder. Baby monkeys are adorable.
Chantal gets the first one on one time, and we notice that as time passes, she continues to swell. Brad shows up in the safari jeep looking like Indiana Jones, except he's wearing Teva's, so he's the chach-ey version of Indy. Chantal's like o.m.g. we're on a safari and we're seeing animals, this is so cool. I'm like, yeah that's the point...and mind you, you could find all of these at the local Seattle Zoo I'm sure.
Brad: "I think all relationships need some risk and conquering fears." Brad, how many times are you going to say that this season? I'm pretty sure most, if not all, relationships would be suited just fine without rappelling off buildings/waterfalls and/or going on African safaris, let's face it.
Brad: "Is it weird to say I miss your dad family?"
Chantal: No, not at all.
Hayley: Yes, that is weird. You met them for like 10 minutes, and you met 3 other families that you equally "miss".
Chantal: "I'm hoping that tonight I can prove my love for Brad." Does she mean, sing it from the rooftops? Something sacrificial?
Later at dinner, Brad hands Chantal the Fantasy Suite Card:
Chantal: "I think we should go, I think we should hurry. What happens in the fantasy suite stays in the fantasy suite." You stay classy Chantal. Let's hope your "fantasy" was a night in the wild up in a tree house.
On the other hand, it was nice to hear that some people on this show have an accurate view of what it is to be engaged.
Next is Emily's one on one time.
Brad: "I've been counting the seconds until I get to see Emily." Yikes, was the tree house that boring?
Brad shows up to greet Emily, who looks like Safari Barbie, then tells her he forgot something and needs to go get it. He'll be right back.
Emily: Brad left me alone in the wild. I'm like you've had all daggone day to get ready for this date...a lion may come eat me" Hilarious.
Brad makes it up to her by surprising her with an elephant rider. Emily says this is her dream date. Yes, if you're joining the circus. *However, I have ridden an elephant with my sweetie and it was pretty fantastic.
Brad: "I wish Lil Ricky was here. I sure do miss her"
Emily: "Oh my gosh, Ricky Tick would just love this" Yeah, who wouldn't. I'm not even 5 and I would love it.
Emily: "Are you ready for a five-year-old?"
Brad: "I'm ready, I want to be a daddy"
They kiss, the animals go wild. Might as well have started playing Can You Feel the Love Tonight in the background.
Next, at dinner, Brad once again flubs all over his words, and Emily plans to tell him she's falling for him but chickens out.
Brad nervously hands Emily the Fantasy Suite Card and visibly cringes as she reads each word.
Emily says she's a mommy and a role model, but they can stay up all night talking. Brad looks a little deflated, but glad he at least gets more time.
Emily tells us she needed to go to the Fantasy Suite to get the courage to tell him how she feels. However, she has only said ILY to one person in her life and it scares her to death.
Emily: "I don't want you to question anything with me."
Brad: "You don't" NO dip-wad, that's what she just said....
Emily: "No"
Finally, Emily tells Brad that she's falling in love with him, and Brad once again goes rogue and SAYS IT IN RETURN!! Next, the lights go out and we assume they are still talking.
Next up is Ashley. Brad lets us know that he misses "Ash" badly. Like everyone else?
Ashley rolls up in a jeep and obviously is missing the other half of her shorts, as these are clearly j-underwear...and a too-long cardigan and coral top tucked in. Seriously, did she get dressed in the dark?
Brad greets her and leads her to none-other than a waiting helicopter. Ashley freaks out, wrangles free from Brad's grip and starts run-ning in the other direction screaming. Seriously, what is wrong with her? Finally she comes back. Brad is concerned. I'm concerned because she looks like she might vomit. She needs to stop screaming.
Ashley: "Is this real life" I don't know, have you seen David and the Dentist?
Finally she takes a leap of faith and gets in the helicopter. The scenery is amazing.
They land at God's window, which is fitting because these two could not be more incompatible.
Brad: "Where do you want to live?"
Ashley: "I dunno, I thought about some place warm, but now I'm thinking Southern Maine could be an option. Close to my sister."
Brad looks like someone punched him in the stomach
Brad looks like someone punched him in the stomach
Ashley: "I know what you want and what I have to offer." Do you really?
Brad: "Maybe I can help you find a balance?!" That's doubtful
Ashley: "This conversation is a huge wake up call." Yeah, every relationship has to leave fantasy land at some point...
Brad is basically going to make dinner a grilling session.
Ashley: "I want to be superwoman." Is this chick for real? Is she just completely ignorant to everything that comes out of her mouth??
Brad: "We talk about ourselves individually, but never together."
Ashley: "Good things are just bonuses. I'm all about compromise on the bad things."
Brad in response: "But do you realize that I asked you where you wanted to live and you never once mentioned Austin?
Ashley in response: "Well when you asked it was more about the people that are there."
Brad: HELLO: "I'm in Austin"
Ashley: BACKTRACKING: "Well yeah I'd totally love to go there. That's not even a compromise to me." Really???
Brad: "Maybe I just misunderstand you." NO, SHE'S ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!
Brad: Best line of the night: "We can't build a future based on a great carnival date" THANK YOU
Ashley: Second best line of the night: "I feel like we have this great chemistry, and you're just looking for a wife that fits what you want." WELL DUH, that's the whole freaking point of the show ASH!
For some strange reason, Brad extends her the Fantasy Suite Card, and she says absolutely. She continues to down the booze and say really stupid stuff like, "We had so much, we can still have so much."
Finally, they run out of things to talk about and Ashley asks him his opinion on mosquito nets. And Brad's like, for real? Who cares about mosquito nets. The cuddle on the couch, no one says a word. This is by far the most awkward date I have ever had to witness in my life. Do we even need a rose ceremony? Send her home now...
Brad thinks he ruined things by asking her some hard questions. I'm sorry, but if you're really going to propose to someone, these ARE the questions you should be asking.
Rose Ceremony
Harrison: "It's been well documented that you've been down this road before." Sorry, that made me laugh. What an awkward way to put it Harrison.
Brad finally goes out to meet the women and is all sorts of flustered, and says okay about 4 times, before asking to speak with Ashley privately.
Brad: "Here's a woman I could propose to in a week and I don't know if I fit in your life." Does he not get the contradiction of this?! Really?
They have yet another terrible conversation and many "miscommunications". Why Ashley thinks they can work it out is beyond me. Brad tells her he needs to send her home now. They walk to the car, they share an awkward hug and she gets in the car to go. In my opinion, Ashley gave up like 3 or 4 episodes ago.
Brad to the other ladies: "I respect Ashley too much to put her through a rose ceremony knowing I'm not giving her a rose. " Umm so what about every other rose ceremony, Brad? Are you just fine disrespecting the other ladies?? So confused by him right now.
Closing thoughts: Brad and Ashley are two peas in a pod. I don't think this season's going to end well for him either. He clearly has issues.
